Introduction of beauty and health.

Advocate culture tour and feeling all over the world. Strive for health and world peace. 

    We talk of being a global community, but our institutions and behaviors tend to run counter to these currents. Our new reality-complex, interconnected, and faster than ever-means that the need for global cooperation and global solutions has never been greater. So what criteria should underpin a global system for the 21st century?
    First, such a system must foster cooperation. We're all in this together. Governments, business, and civil society cannot do it on their own. Global issues are interrelated, and multi-stakeholder responses such as public-private partnerships bring innovative solutions to the table. They engage the passion, purpose, and networks of civil society with the resources and experience of business.
    Next, a global system must also approach challenges in a systematic, integrated way. The issues on the global agenda are all interrelated, but our current system is too compartmentalized: the World Trade Organization for trade, the World Health Organization for health, and the International Monetary Fund for finance. We also have to establish the necessary interlinkages to create coherence. For example, how do we strike the optimal balance between the G-20 and the Untited Nations? We need flexible net-works-more heterarchies, fewer hierarchies.
    Third, the system should be strategic, not crisis-driven. Most of our energy is currently absorbed by reactive rather than proactive measures. Managing crisis instead of thinking about the future leads to defensive attitudes. We must adapt to a changing world, not defend outdated models.
    Fourth, a global system must continually demonstrate legitimacy. Today, this goes beyond mandates based on democratic principles; it includes clear objectives and concrete results. We undoubtedly have a delivery problem. And since promised actions are not fulfilled, we also have a trust deficit with governments, international organizations, and business.
    Finally, our global governance system must embrace the notion of global citizenship. In an interconnected world, it is in the interest of nation-states to strive for solutions to truly global challenges, such as climate change. Today, we not only need a Charter of Human Rights, but must also expand this notion to include responsibilities.   
    As a global community, we depend on the functioning of institutions and processes to manage our global neighborhood. Integrating these five criteria into our global system will be challenging, but if we don’t, we will continue applying topical treatments to conditions that fundamentally require global cardiac care.
 
    By Klaus Schwab who is the founder and executive chairman of the World Economic Forum.

Let me hazard a guess that you think a real person has written what you’re reading. Maybe you’re right. Maybe not. Because, these days, a shocking amount of what we’re reading is created not by humans, but by computer algorithms. We probably should have suspected that the information assaulting us 24/7 couldn’t all have been created by people bent over their laptops.

It’s understandable. The multitude of digital avenues now available to us demand content with an appetite that human effort can no longer satisfy. This demand, paired with ever more sophisticated technology, is spawning an industry of “automated narrative generation.”

Companies in this business aim to relieve humans from the burden of the writing process by using algorithms and natural language generators to create written content. Feed their platforms some data - financial earnings statistics, let's say - and poof ! In seconds, out comes a narrative that tells whatever story needs to be told.

These robo-writers don’t just regurgitate data, either; they create human-sounding stories in whatever voice befits the intended audience. They’re that smart. And when you read the output, you’d never guess the writer doesn’t have a heartbeat.

Algorithms and natural languagegenerators have been around for a while, but they’re getting better and faster as the demand for them spurs investment and innovation. The sheer volume andcomplexity of the Big Data we generate, too much for mere mortals to tackle, calls for artificial rather than human intelligence to derive meaning from it all.

Set loose on the mother lode - especially stats - rich domains like finance, sports and merchadising - the new software platforms apply advanced metrics to identify patterns, trends and data anomalies. They then rapidly craft the explanatory narrative, stepping in as robot-journalists to replace humans.

The associated Press uses Automated Insights' Wordsmitn platform to create more than 3000 finaincial reports per quarter. It published a strory on Apple's latest record-busting earnings whithin minutes of their release. Forbes uses Narrative Science's Quill platform for similar efforts and refers to the firm as a partner.

But we should be forgiven a sense of unease. These software processes, which are, after all, a black box to us, might skew to some predicated norm, or contain biases that we can't possibly discern. Not to mention that we may be missing out on the insights a curious and fertile human mind could impart when considering the same information.

The mantra around all of this carries the usual liberation theme: Robo-journalism will free humans to do more reporting and less data processing.

That would be nice, but Kristian Hammond, Narrative Science's co-founder, estimates that 90% of news could be algorithmically generated by the mid-2020s, much of it without human intervention. If this projection is anywhere near accurate, we are on a slippery slope.

It's mainly robo-journalism now, but it doesn't stop there. As software stealthily replace us as communicators, algorithmic content is rapidly permeating the nooks and crannies of our culture.

Books are robo-written, too. Our phones can speak to us. Our home appliances can take commands. Our cars will be able to drive themselves. What does "human" even mean?

With technology, the next evolutionary step always seems logical. That's the danger. As it seduces us again and again, we relinquish a little part of ourselves. We rarely step back to reflect on whether, ultimately, we're giving up more than we getting.

Then again, who has time to think about that when there's so much information to absorb everyday? After all, we're only human.

When I left school in 2002 with a master’s degree in international affairs, I was set on having a career at the United Nations. By then I had already once changed career by dropping out of a clinical psychology program. Ten years later, I have the experience of both working for and leaving the UN.
 
In my undergraduate and graduate studies, I found pure joy in learning history and philosophy; studying the requirements, including statistics and economics, was less joyful. What I learned in both types of courses, though, was equally useless when I made my way as a working adult.
 
What was useful was the fact that I had a diploma in a relevant field, even though my mastery of the content mattered very little. It was useful that I was enthusiastic and willing to work long hours. On the other hand, I lacked the constitution to thrive in a hierarchical organization such as the UN. But school couldn’t have taught me that. The rest of what I needed, I learned on the job.
 
For generations, higher education has been associated with better career prospects. And certain degrees, parents believed, represented more marketable skills.
 
There is no paucity of researchers, policymakers, and business leaders who insist that producing more highly trained engineers and scientists is the key to reviving the economy. Many have embraced the House decision in May to cut funding for political science research at universities and reallocate it to physics, engineering, and chemistry through the National Science Foundation. The hard truth is no degree guarantees a clear-cut, secure professional trajectory anymore. 
 
In a similar trend, the National Endowment for the Humanities, one of the largest funders of humanities programs in the United States, has seen its annual budget shrink from $167.5 million in 2010 to $146 million this year. Academics are worried that budgetary shortfalls will push the humanities to backslide a century, when only a privileged few had access to them. 
 
Take a look at Europe’s most economically troubled countries. In Spain, for example, the job market hardly kept up with the rising education rates and half of its young people are unemployed. In America, half of the unemployed aged 25 and younger have some form of college education. Almost 40 percent of graduates who are employed are working in jobs that do not require a college degree.
 
“Security” today, as a former colleague of mine said, is skills, not a permanent contract. When I think about the work I did at the UN, knowledge of phenomenology or regression analysis was absolutely useless. But the ability to sum up hundreds of pages of technical and bureaucratic language in a crisp memo or a snappy presentation was – is – a great asset.
 
A foreign language works like a passport. Critical thinking helps put complex situations into perspective. Emotional acuity serves as a compass when navigating office politics. And these are skills that training in the humanities can enhance.
 
Commentators have already pointed out that unemployment among recent college graduates is not due to mismatch of skills, but rather to a lack of demand in the feeble economy. In the absence of growth to create jobs, young people with or without a college degree will continue to bear the brunt of the consequences.   
 
Higher education is more than a vocational or technical training. The essential purpose of it has never been primarily about “usefulness” in a narrow sense of acquiring a specific, practical tool to make oneself marketable. 
 
In the words of my late college professor – of philosophy – the purpose of higher education is to become broadly acquainted with cultural traditions and deeply appreciate them, so that it may help us become responsible citizens and good people in general. 
 
It is also about love – learning what one loves for the love of learning. Hence, it is “gloriously useless.” 
 
Sadly, it seems that rising student debt, coupled with the lack of economic opportunities thereafter, are diminishing access not only to certain disciplines but to higher education altogether. The recent cuts in the federal Pell Grant to save $11 billion over 10 years will make it even more difficult for low-income students to get a college education.
 
As for me, there was no way of knowing which major or degree was going to be “useful.” And since then, everything around me is constantly changing – and I with it. Priorities shift and my heart no longer desires what it once did.
 
I have long forgotten the details of what I absorbed in classrooms and libraries. I did, however, learn how to think for myself, and that is invaluable in the workplace and outside of it.
 

When watching Holly wood movies, I am often moved by their romanticism spirit and consciousness of earth ownership. They fight on the screen from year to year so that they can salvage New York, America or even the whole earth from the talon of the villains. For better completion of the mission, they invented a speciality which exists for saving city, salvaging human and protecting the earth...
This speciality is called super hero.
Obviously Hollywood likes this speciality very much using which to produce many new kinds stories every year. But I am confused in so many heros such as superman, black superman, superman family, batman, spiderman etc who have the same feeling of justice and the same mission. The difference is that someone likes to wear the underpants outside and someone likes to wear them on head.
To be honest, I was annoyed before by such hard to be memorized piece though I have found the rule recently: Who is the leading actor is not important, how to save the earth is also not important, the most important is that whether the villain does personalized bad thing or high level bad thing which in turn decides the level of movie.

Generally, there are three kinds of villains. One is ambitious machinator such as the villain in superman movie who has crazy smile and cloudy eye with the only target to enslave or destroy earth. This kind move is called gut popcorn movie.
The second is failing experiments mouse-they were originally scientists who lost his human nature by unsuccessful experiments with obtaining super power at the same time such as those in spiderman movie who bring us with splendid visual effect to create the visual series of popcorn movie.
The third one is the person who has bad luck. They opposed the super hero in the shadow of bad children memory or all kinds of love or hate such as those in Avenger alliance or spiderman3. They are pathetic and hateful or even lovely. And because of them, superman movie cannot be so popcorn like.
And whether is there the exception? Yes, clown in the dark knight is like this. They do not chase for money or power. They have no distorted bodies and even they do not hate the leading actor. Their fun are only to look for the bad side of the human mind and enjoy the evil side drives them to destroy.
The latest batman is so bourgeois. Batman is still there with lacking the frightening and lovely clown creates the bourgeoisness. The most fearful evil is not from violence, ambition, hate or uncontrolled high technology, but the darkness in the deep mind of human being.

Translated from Xia Haishu article who has the mentto 'Gain without pay and win in every gambling"

  Nearly every parent on earth operates on the assumption that the character matters a lot to the life outcomes of their children. Nearly every government antipoverty program operates on the assumption that it doesn't.
  As Richard Reeves of the Brookings Institution pointed out recently in National Affairs, both orthodox progressive and conservative approaches treat individuals as if they were abstractions-as if they were part of species of "hollow man" whose destiny is shaped by economic structure alone, and not by character and behavior.
  It's easy to understand why policy makers would skirt the issue of character. Nobody wants to be seen blaming the victim-spreading the calumny that the poor are that way because they don't love their children enough, or don't have good values. Furthermore, most sensible People wonder if government can do anything to alter character anyway.
  The problem is that policies that ignore character and behavior have produced disappointing results. Social research over the last decade or so has reinforced the point that would have been self-evident in any other era-that if you can't help people become more resilient, conscientious or prudent, then all the cash transfers in the world will not produce permanent benefits.
  Summarizing the researth in this area, Reeves estimates that measures of drive and self-control influence academic achievement roughly as much as cognitive skills. Recent research has also shown that there are very different levels of self-control up and down in the income scale. Researchers often use dull tests to see who can focus attention and stay on task. Children raised in the top income quintile were two and a half times more likely to score well on these tests than students raised in the bottom quintile.
  People who have studied character development through the ages have generally found hectoring lectures don't help. The superficial "character eduction" programs implanted into some schools of late haven't done much either. Instead, sages over years have generally found that at least effective avenues to make it easier to climb. Government supported programs can contribute in all realms.
  First, habits. If you can change behavior you eventually change disposition. People who practice small acts of self-control find it easier to perform big acts in times of crisis. Quality preschools, K.I.P.P.(Knowledge is power program) schools and parenting coaches have produced lasting effects by encouraging young parents and students to observe basic etiquette and practice small but regular acts of self restraint.
  Second, opportunity. Maybe you can practice self-discipline through iron willpower. But most of us can only deny short-term pleasures because we see a realistic path between self denial now and something better down the road.Young women who see affordable college prospects ahead are much less likely become teen moms.
  Third, exemplars. Character is not developed individually. It is instilled by communities and transmitted by elders. The centrist Democratic group Third Way suggests government create a BoomerCorps. Every day 10,000 baby boomers turn 65, some of them could be recruited into an AmeriCorps-type program to help low-income families move up the mobility ladder.
  Fourth, standards. People can only practice restraint after they have a certain definition of the sort of  person they want to be. Research from Martin West of Harvard  and others suggests that students at certain charter schools raise their own expectations for themselves, and judge themselves by more demanding criteria.
  Character development is an idiosyncratic, mysterious process. But if families, communities and the government can envelop lives with attachments and institutions, then that might reduce the alienation and distrust that retards mobility and ruins dreams.

American mythology loves nothing more than the reluctant hero: the man whose natural talents have destined him for more than obliging obscurity. George Washington, we are told, was a leader who would have preferred to have been a farmer. Thomas Jefferson, a writer. Martin Luther king, Jr., a preacher. These men were roused form lives of perfunctory achievement, our legends have it, not because they chose their own exceptionalism, but because we, the people, chose it for them. We seeing greatness in them that they were too humble to observe themselves-conferred on them uncommon paths. Historical circumstance became its own call of duty, and the logic of democracy proved itself through the answer.
Neil Armstrong was a hero of this stripe: constitutionally humble, circumstantially noble. Nearly every obituary written for him has made a point of emphasizing his sense of privacy, his sense of humility, his sense of the ironic ordinary. And yet every aspect of Armstrong’s life made clear: On that day in 1969, he acted on our behalf, out of a sense of mission that was communal rather than personal. The reluctant hero is also the self-sacrificing hero.
And so Armstrong was an icon fit for America’s particular predilections: one who made history, yet one who recognized the ultimate contingency of his own history making. One who, Washington-like, preferred quiet retirement over continued fame. “Nothing is more typical of Armstrong, or more estimable,” Anthony Lane put it, “than his decision not to go into politics; heaven knows what the blandishment, or the invitations, must have been. That is not to deprecate the service rendered by, say, John Glen, but simply to remind ourselves that political ambition, like our other passions, is in the end a low sublunary affair; and that Armstrong, by dint of being the first man to tread not upon terra firma but upon the gray dust of terra incognita, rose above the fray and stayed there.”
It’ hard, now, to find heroes who seem motivated, in some deep and cosmic way, by something more than themselves. It’s hard not to imagine that many of the cultural figures we’re meant to look to for inspiration-sports stars, movie stars, writers, business leaders-will one day end up as characters on reality TV.
And so Armstrong’s loss is not merely a loss for all the obvious reasons, but also because it signals a small shift in American mythology. If Armstrong’s was the age of the reluctant hero, ours is the age of adamant heroism. Our familiar figures are people who, whether or not their talents entitle them to it, explicitly sought their own fame.
That is largely to the good. It means a democratic culture, a culture where systematized notions of merit-based on race, based on class-dissolve into the broader culture will. But it also means a shift in how we see success and ourselves as seekers of it. The tension Armstrong embodied so succinctly-publicity on the one hand, humility on the other-is dissipating. The humility factor is dissolving into a culture that often equates fame with power. Our current icons are less the people who have been called to duty, and more the people who have battled their way into it-the subjects, rather than the predicates, of their own greatness. The reluctant hero is diminishing. Armstrong’s passing signals an end to that myth.
Megan Garber

In the rancorous debate over how to get the sluggish economy moving, we have forgotten the wisdom of Henry Ford. In 1914, not long after the Ford Motor Company came out with the Model T, Ford made the startling announcement that he would pay his workers unheard-of wage of $5 a day.
Not only was it a matter of social justice, Ford wrote, but paying high wages was also smart business. When wages are low, uncertainty dogs the marketplace and growth is weak. But when pay is high and steady, Ford asserted, business is more secure because workers earn enough to become good customers. They can afford to buy Model Ts.
This is not to suggest that Ford single-handedly created the American middle class. But he was one of the first business leaders to articulate what economists call “the virtuous circle of growth”: well paid workers generating consumer demand and that in turn promotes business expansion and hiring. Other executives brought his logic, and just as important, strong unions fought for rising pay and good benefits in contracts.
Riding the dynamics of the virtuous circle, America enjoyed its best period of sustained growth in the decades after World War II, from 1945 to 1973, even though income tax rates were far higher than today. It created not only unprecedented middle-class prosperity but also far greater economic equality than today.
The chief executives of the long postwar boom believed that business success and workers’ well being ran in tandem. Frank W. Abrams, chairman of Standard Oil of New Jersey, voiced the corporate mantra of “stakeholder capitalism”: the need to balance the interests of all the stakeholders in the corporate family.
Today the prevailing cut-to-the-bone business ethos means that a company like Caterpillar demands a wage freeze and lower health benefits from its workers, while posting record profits.
Globalization, including the rise of Asia, and technological innovation can’t explain all or even most of today’s gaping inequality; if they did, we would see in other advanced economies the same hyper concentration of wealth and the same stagnation of middle-class wages as in the United States. But we don’t.
In Germany, still a manufacturing and export powerhouse, average hourly pay has risen five times faster since 1985 than in the United States. The secret of Germany’s success, says Klaus Kleinfeld, who ran the German electrical giant Siemens before taking over the American aluminum company Alcoa in 2008, is “the social contract: the willingness of business, labor and political leaders to put aside some of their differences and make agreements in the national interests.”
In short, German leaders have practices stakeholder capitalism, while American business and political leaders have dismantled the dynamics of the “virtuous circle” in pursuit of downsizing, off shoring and short-term profit and big dividends of their investors.
Today, we are all paying the price for the shift. As Ford recognized, if average Americans do not have secure jobs with steady and rising pay, the economy will be sluggish. Since the early 1990s, we have been mired three times in “jobless recoveries.” It’s time for America’s business elites to step beyond political rhetoric about protecting wealthy “job creators” and grasp Ford’s insight: Give the middle class a better share of the nation’s economic gains, and the economy will grow faster. Our history shows that.
Hedrick Smith

Commencement is life's great ceremonial beginning, with its own attendant and highly appropriate symbolism. Here we are on a literal level palying field. That matters. That says something. And your ceremonial costume is shapeless, uniform, one-size-fits-all. Whaterver male or female, tall or short, sholar or slacker, each of you is dressed, you'll notice, exactly the same. And your diploma, but for your name, are exactly the same.
All of this is as it should be, because one of you is special.
You are not special. You are not exceptional.
The empirical evidence is everywhere. Across the country no fewer than 3.2 million seniors are gradudating about now from more than 37,000 high schools. Even if you are one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you. You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. We have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement.
It is an epidemic-and in its way, not even dear old Wellesley High is immune...one of the best of the 37,000 nationwide, Wellesley High School...where good is no longer good enough, where a B is the new C, and the midlevel curriculum is called advanced College Placement. And I hope you caught me when I said "one of the best". I said "one of the best" so we can feel better about ourselves, so we can bask in a little easy distiction, howerver vague and unverifiable. But the phrase defies logic. By definition, there can be only one best. You are it you you are not.
if you have learnt anything in your years here I hope it is that education should be for, rather than material advantage, the exhilaration of learning. You've learned, too, I hope, that Wisdom is the chief element of happiness. I also hope you have learnt enough to recognize how little you know now, at the moment, for taoday is just the beginning. It is where you go from here that matters.
As you commence, then, and before you scatter to the winds, i urge you to do whatever you do for no reason other than you love it and believe in its importance. Resist the easy comforts of complacency, the specious glitter of materialism, the narcotic paralysis of self-satisfaction.
And read...read all the time...read as a matter of principle, as a matter of self-respect. Read as a nourishing staple of life. Develop and protect a moral sensibility and demonstrate the character to apply it. Dream big. Work hard. Think for yourself. Love everything you love, everyone you love, with all your might. And do so, please, with a sense of urgency, for every tick of the clock subtracts from fewer and fewer.
Like accolades ought to be, the fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying byproduct. It is what happens when you are thinking about more important things. Climb the moutain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.
Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they bring you, but for the good they will do others. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you are not special.
Because everyone is.

In my childhood, there was no enlightening education, especially for painting. Sixty years ago, in the depths of the country of my hometown, it was hard to see a picture, let alone a drawing teacher.
　　In my memory, the earliest pictures I saw were in my mother’s room: one was a New Year picture in which a beautiful woman was holding her plump baby in the arm; another was a pair of mirror-screened pictures with some flowers like wintersweet or peony. Both of them were my mother’s dowries.
　　In addition, what gave me the deepest impression was the pile of books in the attic of my old house. Most of the books were the magazine that I knew later was Dongfang Zazhi, the East Journal. In the eyes of a little boy like me at that time, very, very big were they in which there were many pictures: film stars, genre paintings, cartoons, and the like. They were so attractive that I looked on over and over, again and again.
　　As for the Chinese traditional paintings I saw in my early times, they have remained fresh in my memory till now. It was in the houses of other people that I accidentally saw such paintings that maybe were authentic works in my earliest memory.
　　The first time was when I, at fourteen years old, went to sell orange. In a small street, there was a rich and big family. Its front door whose dark coat of lacquer was almost fallen was opened. I looked in through the door, finding two paintings of landscape, flowers and birds on the wall of the central room. They were so attractive that I, forgotten buying orange, set my back basket on the ground, went silently into the room and knelt on the big armchair to look them carefully. I was engrossed in the paintings when suddenly came footsteps, so I tried to hurry my way out. “My dear child,” a kind old woman, neatly dressed, said to me, “don’t hurry to leave. Look at them carefully if you want.”
　　In another time, my mother took me to visit one of my grandpas. In his central and winged rooms, there were many paintings on the wall. In one of them, two ancients were playing musical instruments, sitting oppositely, with trees, mountains and waters. The other paintings concerned about landscapes, flowers or birds were all attractive. I still knelt on the armchair to look at them carefully one by one, thinking: “Why are they completely different from my pictures? How ugly I usually draw on the ground, on the wall or on the paper!” I admired them while ashamed of my own. At that time I wanted very much to know how the painters had painted them, but I dared not want one day I could paint like that.
　　Since then, I was thirst for a sample, and even for a teacher.
　　But this for me was only an extravagant hope. In the depths of the country in the central part of Sichuan province, the children like me were wild grass emerging and perishing of ourselves, and grew ignorantly in our small world. The old house of Dus—my family name, where my family people had lived for generations—was my kindergarten as well as my Eden where I scribbled everywhere.
　　My biggest shortcoming in childhood was to make doodles. I always drew anything I had looked and thought on flagstone, on sand, on door, cupboard, waste paper, whitewashed earth wall, and the like. And I often felt self-satisfied over such doodles although it was in disorder everywhere. Sometimes I could be praised by my pals or even by grownups but frequently I was berated for I had scribbled in the places where I should not, or I was hit on the head by some grownup with his tobacco pipe when I was engrossed in my doodle. In this way I drew my pictures, forgetting everything. How I expected someone could instruct me!
　　But I had not come across anyone until I went to the county middle school. There, Mr. Huang Chun（黄纯）, who had graduated from an art school, taught me Picture Drawing. Strict and stern, he always kept a straight face in the class.
　　At the very beginning, Mr. Huang talked a lot about visual art, plastic art, spatial perspective, and the like, which made us confused and uninterested. Possibly he felt this was to cast pearls before swine, so that he one day started to do instead of to talk in the class.
　　It was indeed a real painting class I saw in the first time, still alive in my memory up to the present.
　　We had already prepared two exercise books, one grass-papered book for pencil drawing, and one water-papered book for ink painting, each fifty or sixty centimeter long, which was different from other middle schools.
　　In that class, Mr. Huang, having told us to put the water-papered book on the desk, used some rice to put a piece of the same paper on the blackboard, saying, “You prepare a small dish, a cup of water, and two brushes.” With our preparation, he shouted, “Make ink!” Then there in the classroom was no any sound except the one of ink making. This perhaps was caused by his serious face and his brief words.
　　“Finished?” he asked. “Finished!” we answered.
　　“Good. Put down your ink stick!”
　　So we did.
　　“Take up the small brush. And give it two rinses!”
　　So we did.
　　“Dip in thick ink!”
　　So we did.
　　“Scrape at the edge of the cup!”
　　So we did.
　　“Look! Dip in thick ink! Have two twists!”
　　So we did.
　　“Pay your attention! Look!”
　　We watched him painting. Within a minute, on his paper appeared some branches that looked artistically spaced and just right of the shades. I at once watched in a daze while admiring his inspired strokes.
　　“Now,” he commanded, “imitate!” So we did with reverence and awe according to the sample on the blackboard.
　　“Use the big brush!” he cried out. With his eyebrow frowned and his face straight, he was like a foreign drillmaster in the burning sun delivering command to train his recruits, a serious appearance and a sonorous voice.
　　“Dip in the water! Use thin ink! Have one twist! Take a little thick ink, on the brush point!”
　　Oh! A stroke like this has its own thick and thin, smooth, and natural, so that the leaves painted with such strokes look fresh and alive. At that time in the class, admiring Mr. Huang very much, and being satisfied with my own copy, I was extremely excited with every cell of my body skipping and jumping about, just as an opium-eater who had enjoyed smoke to the full.
　　Whenever I remember the class, I think of Mr. Huang, full of my reverence. As the result, in the only two times when I returned to my native town, I paid my special visit to him.
　　The first time was in 1959 when Mr. Huang was nearly sixty years old.
　　It was in a teahouse that I met him. At a distance, I saw a grey-bearded man sitting in a bamboo chair, a big drawing book on his hand. Once I recognized him, I went quickly in front of him, saying, “Hello, Mr. Huang!” He looked uneasy, hurrying to put the book to his bosom. I pretended not to have noticed his action, only to speak out my name very slowly and to tell him that his student came to look in him. “Oh,” he said, “I know.” And then, he let me sit down, and asked another cup of tea.
　　At the time, he recovered his natural manner, again a serious and calm one. I found that he was almost the same with the teacher in my memory, except his grey hair and his unsmooth face.
　　I politely offered him a cigarette and lit for him, saying that I was sorry not to visit him for a long time, that it was fortunate for me to get his teaching, and that I would never forget his favour. He immediately responded with politeness that he did not deserve my words, and that he was satisfied if not to have misled the students.
　　And then, I told him my early story in search of a drawing teacher. Once upon a time, my father brought me, a little boy, to a teahouse where he met a drawing teacher, Mr. Wang. My father told him that I liked drawing pictures and asked him to teach me. But unexpectedly, Mr. Wang did not take any care at my father’s words, only to chat with others, and I felt very, very embarrassed. After the story, I then told Mr. Huang that it was in the middle school that had my first drawing teacher so that I felt extremely happy and especially grateful.
　　Mr. Huang got delight with my good memory, and invited me to go around the middle school.
　　On the way to the school, we had a free talk. I said that in those years I feared him very much for he was hot-tempered. I could still remember that once an old student, about two dozens of years old, made a joke to Mr. Huang, and Mr. Huang asked a school worker to carry a bundle of bamboo into the classroom, pressing the old student on bench to beat his ass. With half a dozen of the broken bamboo pieces aside, I was so afraid of his terrible cry that my hair stood on end. After hearing this, Mr. Huang forced a smile, saying that he was in the time too young to forgive his students, which was not good.
　　When talking, we arrived at my Alma Mater. A belt of wall was built at the foot of the hill. On each side of the front door stood a big oak, and this kind of tree could be seen here and there in the school. The school had come from a temple. It was named the Wen-Zheng Middle School, after Sun Wen (Sun Yat-sen) and Jiang Zhongzheng (Chiang Kai-shek), originally a private school. In the front of the classroom that had been changed from the Tianzidian Hall (the Hall of Son of Heaven), we were likely brought back to the past, talking a lot about the interesting events of my schooling days. And at last, we waved good-bye to each other, reluctant to leave the old school.
　　The latest time I visited Mr. Huang was in 1995 when he was an octogenarian.
　　In an afternoon of the late autumn, the grey-white sunlight was slanting on the rough road of flagstone. Along the both sides of the small street stood the old grey houses, two rows of stooping old men. If there was not a popular song in the air, you must feel that you were in an old street before a century.
　　Once again, I saw that familiar doorframe, declined on one side. At one glance, I recognized the old man was my teacher, Mr. Huang Chun, leaning against the doorframe, a walking stick in his hands.
　　I hurriedly went up, said eagerly “Hello, Mr. Huang!” and made a deep bow to him. Having opened his cloudy eyes, he looked me carefully for a little while, and said, “It’s you, Yongqiao! Come, into my room!”
　　His eyes and his voice evoked immediately my past memory: a tall young teacher, with his face bright, serious, stern, loud-but-clear-voiced in class as if a commander delivering his command, making my ear ache; I wanted his instruction but feared him to be close to my ear.
　　Here, I helped him, much shorter now, into the room where his daily wares were clear at a glance: one bed one table and two stools, spotted, old and broken like some unearthed relics. I put a bag of gift on the small round table with its coat of lacquer fallen. Having waited him sit down on one stool, I sat down on the other that protested under my weight.
　　An honest and simple man, Mr. Huang had kept his duty all him lifetime. During the Great Cultural Revolution (1966—1977), he suffered persecution so much that he made an attempted suicide by jumping from a building to the ground, with his leg broken as his deformity forever. Worse than that, his wife was dead years ago. And at the present time, his living was supported only by his daughter’s slender income.
　　Looking on his silver hair and his wrinkled face, I seemed to see a lonely old man, stooping more and more, appearing and disappearing in the schoolyard. Suddenly, a fit of sad feeling surged up in my mind.
　　Mr. Huang was deeply moved with my visit, saying, “You’re well-known, which is recorded in the county annals, but you’d like come to see me. Apart from you, none of my students have come and visited me though I have many of them. Thank you for your sending me Xuan paper, ink, brushes and pigments.” As he spoke, his cloudy eyes glistened with tears.
　　I said, “You’re my first teacher guiding me correctly to draw and to paint. Perhaps, I have a little achievement, but that should be contributed to the favor of your teaching. An old saying goes like that the favor of a water drop should be repaid with a spring of water. I’m not able to do like that, but I’m at least able to come and see you, repaying a little of your kindness.”
　　Smile on his face, Mr. Huang handed me a pile of his paintings, and asked me to speak of my opinions. Moved and apprehensive, I said, “You still make efforts to paint in your so high years that I really admire you. Don’t think too much. Just paint as you please.” He nodded with smile.
　　After a while, he invited me out to eat. I asked a bowl of rice noodle to save his money. And then, he took me into the teahouse, introducing me to the people, and saying that it was his biggest satisfaction to have me as his student.
　　In the Beimen Street, I took with him a photo that I have selected to put in one of my painting collections published in recent years. Mr. Huang is my be-loved teacher forever.

If our grandmothers and great-grandmothers could see the pressure modern mothers put on themselves, they'd think we were insane.
Since when does being a good mom mean you spend your days creating elaborate crafts for your children, making sure their rooms are decked-out Pottery Barn Ikea masterpieces worthy of children's magazines, and dressing them to the nines in trendy coordinated outfits?
I don't believe for a moment that mothers today love their kids any more than our great-grandmothers loved theirs. We just feel compelled to prove it through ridiculously expensive themed birthday parties that have do-it-yourself cupcake stations with 18 types of toppings and over-the-top gifts.
For a few years, I got caught up in the "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better" parenting model, which mandates you scour Pinterest for the best ideas, execute them flawlessly, and then share the photo evidence with strangers and friends via blogs and Facebook posts.
Suddenly, it came to me: We do not need to make our children's childhood magical. Childhood is inherently magical, even when it isn't perfect. My childhood wasn't perfect and we weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but my birthdays were still happy because my friends came over. It wasn't about the party bags, perfect decorations, or any of that. We popped balloons, ran around in the backyard, and we had cake. Simple. But when I look back on those times, they were magical.
Christmas. With four of us kids and a limited income, my parents bought maybe two gifts per kid. There was no Elf on the Shelf all month long monitoring our activities and getting into photo-worthy trouble. No special Christmas jammies. Very few decorations, if any. We didn't even make cookies. What made that time of year simply ethereal for me as a child was huddling in one bed with my brothers thinking we could hear Santa's reindeer on the roof. It was so much fun to try to stay awake, giggle together, and just anticipate the next morning. It was magical. I did not feel as if I lacked for anything.
I don't have a single memory of doing a craft with my parents. Crafts were something I did in preschool and primary school. The only "crafts" I recall were the ones my mother created in her spare time. The hum of her sewing machine would often lull me to sleep as she turned scrap cloth into hair accessories to sell and hemmed our clothes.
At home we played. All the time. After school, we'd walk home from the bus stop, drop off our backpacks and my mom would push us out of the house. We ran around with the neighborhood kids until dinner. Times are different now and very few of us feel comfortable letting our kids wander, but even when we were inside, we played with our toys and video games. We made blanket forts. We watched TV. We slid down the stairs on pillows. Our parents were not responsible for entertaining us. If we dared to mutter those two words, "I'm bored," we would be handed a chore.
I look back on those times and smile. I can still recall what it felt like to have carefree fun.
My parents made sure we were warm and fed, and planned the occasional special activity for us (Friday night pizza was a tradition in my home), but when it came to the day-to-day, we were on our own to be kids. They rarely played with us. Apart from the random empty refrigerator box scrounged from the back of an electronics store, we weren't given toys outside of our birthdays and major holidays. Our parents were around in case we needed something or there was accident, but they were not our main source of entertainment.
Today, parents are being fed the idea that it benefits children to constantly be hand in hand, face to face, "What do you need my precious darling? How can I make your childhood amazing?" You can't walk through Pinterest without tripping over 100 Indoor Summer Craft Ideas, 200 Inside Activities for Winter, 600 Things To Do With Your Kids In The Summer. 14 Million Pose Ideas For Elf on The Shelf. 12 Billion Tooth Fairy Strategies. 400 Trillion Birthday Themes. 

Parents do not make childhood magical. Abuse and gross neglect can mar it, of course, but for the average child, the magic is something inherent to the age. Seeing the world through innocent eyes is magical. Experiencing winter and playing in the snow as a 5-year-old is magical. Getting lost in your toys on the floor of your family room is magical. Collecting rocks and keeping them in your pockets is magical. Walking with a branch is magical.
It is not our responsibility to manufacture contrived memories on a daily basis.
None of this negates the importance of time spent as a family, but there is a huge difference between focusing on being together and focusing on the construction of an "activity." One feels forced and is based on a pre-determined goal, while the other is more natural and relaxed. The immense pressure that parents put on themselves to create ethereal experiences is tangible.
I've been told we went to Disneyland when I was 5. I have no memory of this, but I've seen the faded photographs. What I do remember from that age is the pirate Halloween costume I wore proudly, picking plums from the tree in front of my house, intentionally flooding the backyard garden to teach myself to skip rocks, and playing with my dog on my front stoop.
I have not one memory of the vacation that my parents probably saved for months for: the vacation that was most likely quite stressful. The "most magical place on Earth" in my childhood was not a theme park; it was my home, my bedroom, my backyard, my friends, my family, my books and my mind.
When we make life a grand production, our children become audience members and their appetite for entertainment grows. Are we creating a generation of people who cannot find the beauty in the mundane?
Do we want to teach our children that the magic of life is something that comes beautifully gift-wrapped -- or that magic is something you discover on your own?
Planning elaborate events, daily crafts, and expensive vacations isn't harmful for children. But if the desire to do so comes from a place of pressure or even a belief that the aforementioned are a necessary part of one's youth, it's time to reevaluate.
A childhood without Pinterest crafts can be magical. A childhood without a single vacation can be magical. The magic we speak of and so desperately want our children to taste isn't of our creation, and therefore is not ours to dole out as we please. It is discovered in quiet moments by a brook or under the slide at the park, and in the innocent laughter of a life just beginning.
We constantly hear that children these days don't get enough exercise. Perhaps the most underused of all of their muscles is the imagination, as we seek desperately to find a recipe for something that already exists.

  When I was in Africa, my interest in the natural world took root during my childhood in Africa. I remember the smells, the tastes, the colors, the street life, and the assorted creatures wandering in and out of doors. I remember playing at the trunk of a big tree with my brother, creating our own little world among the roots.
  JUJU means magic among some West African peoples, and to me, the Baobab is exactly that. Using different parts of the tree, I started mixing creams and scrubs at home in my kitchen. Working with these magical ingredients opened a new dimension of the natural world for me. I tested the formulas on myself, and my skin started to glow.I made JUJU for everyone, so we would not have to cover, color, and scent ourselves, disguising our individuality. These products care for our skin, enhancing the unique and subtle beauty in all of us.

My daddy named me Wei wei(卫唯), and I am 3 years old now. Today I wanted to draw though I have a broken heart. Before my daddy and mommy always quarreled and I am lonely with my mommy leaving us. Whatever, I drawed! The drawing is here as the following!

Do you like my drawing?

Mommy does not like her, so her left eye is with tears; Little friends do not like her, so her right eye is also with tears. But my daddy liked her, I brought her home!

I wanted to draw Mommy liked Hello Kitty originally, but drawing uncle told me that Hello Kitty was gone, was it because that my mommy was not here? But my little pig is also lovely?

I don't want to leave from daddy, I want to be together with mommy and want to play together with other children.

My daddy always says I am lovely though I often awake him in the mid-night by asking for mommy.

Daddy told me that he liked Mommy and Mommy would be happy if she left from us; Daddy told me that he also liked me, must I leave from daddy to look for happy?

But I would rather stay together with Daddy and hoping who can see my Mommy and tell her I really really miss her! Daddy also really really miss her. Daddy and me is eager for her being back.

My picture is here now. Mommy told me before that  if who made her see my picture, she would be back. Would you please help to send my picture to her.

Born in Jan 1978, I am the second child in my family. My mom says I am a “Snake” because she gave birth to me at the end of Lunar year Snake, while I prefer to say I am “Tail of Snake and Head of Horse”. 
　　We lived in the countryside of a county near to Fuzhou. Mom is a traditional peasant, and in her mind, the responsibility of her life was to get enough food for the family. She worked hard, leaving for the farmland at dawn and never returning until late. Unlike Mom, my dad never took himself as a peasant. He seldom stayed at home, and was always busy with his friends’ and neighbors’ business, and also because of this, Mom and Dad always quarreled with each other. Though I never think my dad is a good husband, he had been a good farther, and had taught me a lot. He used to take me with him when he visited his friends, take me to the cinema, and teach me how to be a well-behaved and polite boy. 
　　In 1983, at the age of 5, I was sent to the kindergarten. Unlike my brother who was taken to the school by force, I like schooldays. The tuition was only one yuan, but we got balls of different sizes to play, and were taught many songs and games. What’s more, the school provided cakes and candies occasionally. Half a year later, our teacher gave birth to a baby, and the class was dismissed. 2 weeks later, I was happy to know that the baby became a member of my family as an adopted daughter. In the following half year, I stayed at home, helping my mom to take care of my sister.
　　 I resumed my study the following year. In primary school, my academic record was excellent, and was awarded as “San Hao student” each year. At that time, the school got little fund, and nine out of ten the rewards were 5 or 10 notebooks, so that was the only thing I could gave away generously to friends. I remember most of our teachers were from neighboring counties, and they lived at school. There was neither gas nor micro-oven in 1980s, and we cooked by burning dried leaves or tree branches. Our school was located at the foot of a hill with a creek in between, and once a month we will collect dried branches and leaves from the hill for our teachers, and all of us were proud of being able to do something for the school and our teachers. 
　　Each year, we grew crops and vegetables, and mom also raised many cattle and fowls. Ever since my childhood, I had been a good hand to my mom. I would prepare the meals after school, and accompanied my mom to irrigate our crops late at nights. I helped my mom with the farm work also, but luckily I had never been a good farmer. On weekends, I would herd our buffalo with my friends. Buffalo is a kind of tamed animal, and we would ride on it while herding, imaging we were on horses. And if we were rid of doing that, we would tie them to trees, and played in the creeks. My mom would not allow me to learn swim, so I was always laughed at when the other kids were swimming joyfully in the creeks and I had to take cloths for them. And I also acted as a baby-sitter. At first, I liked my little sister much； as my mom was very busy, she used to “tie” my sister on my back, and I carried her wherever I went. But each time my neighbors would joke on me, referring to my sister as my child bride. Gradually, when I found out what that means, I rejected to carry her with any more, and my poor sister had to be stay at home and enjoyed herself. 
　　In those days, we seldom got pocket money from our parents, so most of us got money by collecting and selling some kinds of herbs. Apart from buying some socks, I spent most of my money on rubber, pencil boxes—at that time, colorful pencil boxes were the best thing to show off among my little classmates. 
　　From mid 80s, people in my hometown started to do some business cautiously, hoping to have more “Da tuan jie—the nickname for 10 Yuan note” in their pockets. Gradually some WanYuanHu appeared, among whom was one of my uncles. He raised white rabbits for their furs, and did earn some money. A couple of years later, my jobless farther started to raise rabbits also. However, that turned out to be a complete wrong decision as by then there had been too many rabbit raisers, and several months later my brother and I were the only happy ones in our family to enjoy delicious rabbit meat each day.
　　After that, my farther tried some other business, but each time he ended up with failure. During those years, Mom still raised her cattle and fouls to support the family, which she thought were the right things for farmers.
　　 In retrospect, childhood was the happiest time in my life. I had few toys, no TV, and never had a chance to travel, but I derived a lot of fun from the nature. I net fishes, caught birds, herded cattle and even stole fruits occasionally. Over 20 years has passed, but I am still nostalgia for those days

Footsteps of years walk ceaselessly,having gone too soon ,I had already spent more or less than 30seasons. The most cherished memeory was when I was living with my grandmother,and at that time my ancle and aunt were in their 17’.I am their little pet ,an apple of their eyes, they gave me pin money, gave me little toy bear who have music that was magical to me at that time; the little plastic toy people who can move, when you twist the the mental that in the back of him. They hold me in their arms to sleep.Sure enough I had a happy childhood.My grantparets always took me to the field ,in there and I can turn the grass upside down ceaselessly to seize the grigs with curiousity,did not afraid the lalaseedling the grass that always scratch my skin.eventually I seized a grigs,its my triumph,I laughed and laughed,then I can observe him in the colse range,there! who had the legs full of saws,with two antennas in his slippy head , the wings he weared like a gentleman, I liked it very much!so I made the house for he,I dig the mud with my childhood friend, made the mud square shape,dig the mud out from the squre big mud ,then there had the space,I fecthed stickes and made them orderly pluged in the mud, and there were gap for fresh air and wind ,then the grips house was done.I put he in his big house ,with a grass in. put it besides my bed.one little creature made the my life happy.

summer is a beatiful season. I always barefooted ,with platic bags full of water in left hand ,and a stick attach a plastic bottle on its top in my right hand,dash to the pond edge, to salvaged the tadpole. They always in a great group ,as I through the bottle to the pond ,I always had many of them in my bottle,then put them in my plastic bag and dashed to home with much green alga in the bottle. I ask my grandparents give me the big transparet glass bottle to put them in ,with the green alga.At the beginning I can see the black creature with the green alga,the color which mathched so well,and I always mixed the ltttle white rock in ,sat still to watch the happy tadpole cheerfully swam from here to there. every now and then they will go to the little rock to sucked ,I like them .I discovered they should have friend on land,and I put the grig together with them ,i changed the bud house for grig to the glass caned bootle with the cap made holes by my aunts ,they can see each other,they lived harmoney with each company. .….The first time I learn to ride bycicle,which was newly bought for my little aunt, but I eagerly to ride it ,my anunts put  me on and holded it for me and loose hands lets go of his fingers, letting me balance myself, I scared cheerfully, after many times runed into ricks ……my cherished memories was my childhood,the frist day I wore new clothes with the new school bag; when I got to school and was late for lesson all the time Always day dreaming in the class till I don't even know the lessons done Then my teacher always tell me never ever be lazy again. played and always having fun with the nei***our next to me ,until the setting sun, Those were the days of my past I miss my hometown I miss my old friend When will I see them again.today I recall the childhood full of happiness,that cannot come again,which are our treasure,the first time make house for the little creature and bring them up,the first time changed the water for little creature and watched them gradually from big head black tadpole to green big eyes frog………….today I have no time to dash to the pound with feetbared and even have I will shy…I no longer have the simplicity.The natural grass will not surround our house but the manicured lawn. All the plastic material surround us.no fresh air but everynow and then smell the chemical from the dump…

We are absurdly anxious about success, says popular philosopher Alain de Botton. In his talk from 2009, he suggests that many of our modern values — like our sense of limitless possibility and upward growth — can actually lead us to stress harder about how well we’re doing. But the reverse can also be true, says de Botton. For TED, he’s put together this reading list of (mainly) pessimistic philosophers who have inspired his thinking about positivity.

1. The Complete Essays

Michel de Montaigne

“Montaigne likes to point out that philosophers don’t know everything, and that they would be a lot wiser if they laughed at themselves a little more. He also writes in a personal and often very frank way designed to shock the prudish. ‘Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies,’ he says. ‘Even on the highest throne in the world, we are seated still upon our arses.'”

2. Letters from a Stoic

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“Seneca belonged to the Stoic school of philosophy, which is all about teaching you how to respond calmly to disaster. We tend to imagine that cheering people up involves saying happy things. But Seneca says the saddest things — and strangely enough, he is very consoling. ‘What need is there to weep over parts of life?’ he asks. ‘The whole of it calls for tears.'”

3. Essays and Aphorisms

Arthur Schopenhauer

“Schopenhauer is another great pessimist who makes you feel happier. He makes some brilliant analyses of why love affairs tend to go wrong (he’s perfect to read after a breakup). His general drift is that you’d be mad to expect happiness from a relationship.”

4. The Twilight of the Idols

Friedrich Nietzsche

“A much-misunderstood philosopher, seen as barking mad but actually very wise and sane. He tells us nice things about the need for struggle in life. No pain, no gain, or as he put it: ‘That which does not kill you makes you stronger.'”

5. The collected works of Epicurus

Epicurus

“Epicurus was the first philosopher to say that pleasure was the most important thing in life. People took him to mean sensual pleasure, and the word ‘epicurean’ has been linked to gluttony ever since. But read the real Epicurus and you’ll see that his idea of pleasure was quite immaterial; in fact, it was all about having a group of good friends and reading books together outdoors.”

6. The Last Days of Socrates

Plato

“Plato recounts the last days of his mentor and teacher Socrates, famously made to drink hemlock by the people of Athens. It’s a tear-jerking account, as the funny and wise Socrates is put to death by his ignorant contemporaries. It’s also a lesson in how to stand up for your beliefs, and inspiration for anyone standing up against the will of the majority.”

        Do you know where is the most considerate hosue moving company? You nee not to do anything. Just after a blink of your eye, all of your stuff including your personal computer, your favorite cup and even your shoes and stockings will be placed in the same places as you used to be. The only difference is that you are in the new apartment now.

You are essentially an eternal and imperishable divine spirit, you are immortal , you are not this perishable cage of flesh and bones, you are not merely this restless and impure mind filled with selfishness, anger, hatred, passion, greed, cravings, etc. Neither are you this limited and finite intellect, which is many a time prone to error and fails you at the time of need in solving your problems. But beyond body, senses, mind and intellect, you shine resplendent as an Eternal and Immortal Spirit.  
 The message of Divine Life calls upon mankind to realize that you are only a passing pilgrim here upon this planet earth. This is not your eternal dwelling Place.  The meaning and purpose of this earth life is  to make use of this life for this process of regaining your lost contact with the Divine .  This is the supreme goal of life. That is, liberation from all pain, sorrow and suffering and attainment of supreme Divine Bliss and eternal satisfaction in that state of liberated consciousness.
   To lead this Divine Life, you need not renounce your house and family, property and profession, you need not run away into some forests or mountain top and live in a cave. Even living as you are, leading your normal life of domestic set up and your professional life and activities and your social life, you can attain this supreme goal and become forever blessed.
To attain this, the way of Divine Life   is first and foremost to purify your heart and rid it of the dross and rubbish and impurity of selfishness by plunging into absolute dedicated selfless service.
 Selfless service is the foundation of Divine Life. Devotion and worship bring about a progress and an upward and  ascent in your life. As devotion and prayerfulness intensifies itself, the mind attains a state of concentration and you enter into a state of regular daily meditation upon the divine object of your quest. Regular daily meditation brings about steadiness and a feeling of abidance in God. You begin to feel the presence of God in your heart.  
When you begin to feel the presence of God, you become aware of the presence of God at all times, everywhere even in the midst of your activities. You begin to feel that you live, move and have your being in God. This is the power of meditation. It brings about in your life God-awareness and also it brings about in your thoughts, words and activities a new spiritual quality, which uplifts and elevates your life to a new standard of purity, of spirituality, of compassion, of kindness and holiness. Thus, you become a transformed being, a spiritual being with purity of character, with sublime sentiments, with spiritual emotions and lofty thoughts of the Divine. And  having entered into this state of God-awareness, your intellect becomes purified .

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind. It is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep spring of life.
 
Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exits in a man of 60, more than a boy of 20.nobody grows merely by the number of years; we grow old by deserting our ideas. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust1 bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.
 
Whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonders, the unfailing childlike appetite of what’s next and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from infinite, so long as you are young.
 
When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with the snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you’ve grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch waves of optimism, there’s hope you may die young at 80.
 
Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind. It is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep spring of life. These are what I have and what we have at this period of life. So, I'm still young, yes, definitely ! Come on my fellow friends, show your energy and passion to this god damn world ! Let the universe hear our voice, see our cheek, hug our enthusiasm and witness our maturity. We're going to create a brand new future !

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"For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked." --Bill Cosby
Every marriage is different.
But most spouses have the same wants:

1. Wives want to feel appreciated
2. Wives want to feel respected
3. Wives want to feel loved

If your wife left you, then you're devastated.
You can take steps to get your wife back though. Taking a hard look at yourself and your marriage is the first step.

Identify the Problems in Your Marriage or Relationship
Consider who ran the marriage. Was your marriage open to joint communication and input or were you controlling?
Decide whether you were both happy with the decision making in your marriage.
If you had to identify one or two qualities about yourself that your wife disliked, what would they be?
Did your wife ever complain specifically about the marriage or you? If so, identify her complaints.

Assess Whether or Not You're Willing to Make Changes
Decide if you want your wife back badly enough to make changes that will make her happy.
Would you be willing to go to counseling so that you can become the type of person she wants?
Can you make changes and still be comfortable with yourself?
If so, correct the problems that drove your wife away:

• If you cheated, get rid of the other woman and try celibacy while you work on getting back your wife,
• If you had financial problems, work on paying off your debts and becoming employed or getting a higher paying job.
• If you drifted apart, become a better communicator and do your best to reconnect socially with your wife.

Identify the Qualities that Made Your Wife Marry You
What are your best attributes? You were able to turn on the charm and get your wife to marry you once. You may be able to do it again, given the opportunity.
Maximize your assets and stay positive. Decide whether you continued to have those traits during your marriage. Sometimes it is easy to take a marriage for granted and not have time to woo the wife the way you did when you were single.

Stay in Your Wife's Life
It is harder to win back the affection of someone you never see. If you have children, they will provide the means for you to stay in touch with your wife, particularly if you share joint custody and see them just as frequently.
If you do not have children, find a reason to stay in close contact with your wife. Move nearby and use common interests to stay in touch. Frequent places where you are likely to see her and be open and friendly when you do.
Be helpful to your wife. Try to see your wife on a platonic basis and be charming, but not pushy. Help her remember why she loved you in the first place in a non-threatening manner. Don't push sex because she may not trust you or be ready.
Show her, rather than tell her that you love her, but do not make yourself too accessible. Most people like a challenge, so be available enough so that she knows what she is missing, but not so available that she loses interest.
Be responsible and keep up with any financial or child-related responsibilities to your wife. Make sure that your good qualities shine and that she turns to you for problems.

Enlist Help
Your friends can help you find a way to your wife's heart. If your wife is close-mouthed about her life without you, your common friends may be more than willing to share what they know. If they think the two of you belong together, they may do what they can to help or will build you up to your wife.
Use your friends as a buffer to get your wife to join you in group social events when you are first trying to reconnect with her. Your friends may organize gatherings and include both of you at the function.
Most children want their parents to reconnect and your children are in the best position to create opportunities for you and your wife to interact. Don't be afraid to call your wife about parenting issues either. You want to be on the same page when it comes to giving permission and disciplining your children.
In some situations, your in-laws may even be willing to help you get your wife back. If they still keep in touch with you, they probably will do all they can to help save their daughter's marriage, especially if they know you are sincere and willing to do whatever it takes.

Communicate Openly and Accept What She Is Willing to Give
Keep the lines of communication open even if things do not progress as fast as you want. Let your wife know when you've completed an action that may have improved a complaint she had during marriage. For example, if money was tight and you have a new job making more money let her know about it.
Try to casually date your wife if she seems to talk to you openly and rely on you. Take an interest in what your wife enjoys and encourage her to share your interests as well.
As your relationship improves, suggest trying to reconnect and tell your wife what steps you have taken to help improve your relationship. Invite your wife to join you in counseling. Indicate your interest, but do not rush your wife.
Be willing to accept a temporary move back living arrangement if that makes your wife more comfortable. It will be your job to make sure it becomes permanent.

After You've Won Her Back
Once your wife is back, remember to show your appreciation:

• Compliment her once in a while.
• Thank her for small everyday things she does for you.
• Surprise her occasionally. You needn't spend a lot of money as long as she knows you are thinking of her. A text message that says "I love you" can brighten her day or a freshly made cup of coffee before work.
• Let her know why she is special to you.

Writer : Otto F. Kernberg, M.D.

 

ABSTRACT

Sadomasochism, an ingredient of infantile sexuality, is an essential part of normal sexual functioning and love relations, and of the very nature of sexual excitement.  Sadomasochistic elements are also present in all sexual perversions.  Sadomasochism starts out as the potential for erotic masochism in both sexes, and represents a very early capacity to link aggression with the libidinal elements of sexual excitement.  Sexual excitement may be considered a basic affect that overcomes primitive splitting of love and hatred.  Erotic desire is a more mature form of sexual excitement.

Psychoanalytic exploration makes it possible to uncover the unconscious components of sexual excitement:  wishes for symbiotic fusion and for aggressive penetration and intermingling; bisexual identifications; the desire to transgress oedipal prohibitions and the secretiveness of the primal scene, and to violate the boundaries of a teasing and withholding object.  The relation between these wishes and the development of erotic idealization processes in both sexes is explored in the context of a critical review of the pertinent psychoanalytic literature.

THE PRINCIPAL THESES OF THIS PAPER

Sadomasochism, an ingredient of infantile sexuality, is an essential part of normal sexual functioning and love relations.  It is an essential part of the very nature of sexual excitement.  Sexual excitement is a basic affect:  it is a fundamental constituent of libido, which I see as a hierarchically supraordinate drive.  This idea is in consonance with proposals in my earlier work that consider affects as the "building blocks" of drives (1976, pp. 85?07);



Associate Chairman and Medical Director, The New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center, Westchester Division; Professor of Psychiatry, Cornell University Medical College; Training and Supervising Analyst, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research.

Presented at the panel on "Sadomasochism in the Perversions," Fall Meeting of the American Psychoanalytic Association, New York, December 17, 1988.  Accepted for publication April 27, 1989. (1982; in press).  Sadomasochism may present as a specific perversion.  This perversion is characterized by deriving pleasure from inflicting or receiving pain as an obligatory precondition for achieving sexual gratification and orgasm.  This obligatory precondition implies a restriction in the variety, scope, and flexibility of sexual life.  The degree of severity of this perversion depends on the degree of ego and superego pathology.

My basic theoretical frame stems from Freud's (1905) description of infantile sexuality.  However, I consider the source of the libidinal drive to lie not in the excitation of erogenous zones per se, but in the affect of sexual excitement, which incorporates zonal excitation together with the cognitive aspects of early object relations and other communicative, neurovegetative, and psychomotor substructures of this affect.  My view of sexual excitement as a basic affect also incorporates Erikson's elaboration of the theory of infantile sexuality in terms of modes and modalities of object relations implied in the activation of zonal excitation (Erikson, 1963, pp. 72?08).

In earlier work (1986), (1988a), (1989) I stressed the crucial importance of the levels of personality organization梚n other words, of psychic structure梬hen assessing perversions.  The difference between perverse fantasies and their symbolic enactment in sexual relations and love, on the one hand, and a consolidated perverse structure, on the other, depends on the nature of ego and superego organization.

The psychodynamic meanings of perverse fantasies and actions lie on a continuum, from normality to psychopathic perversion.  The structural characteristics of the different clinical types and degrees of perversion vary greatly, according to whether they are associated with an integrated tripartite structure of normality and neurosis, at the one extreme, a borderline and narcissistic personality structure in the intermediate realm, or with the syndromes of malignant narcissism, antisocial personality structure, and perverse organization in psychosis, at the other extreme.  The degree to which the perverse tendencies are transformed into action depends on the predominance of aggressive over libidinal components in the individual's instinctual equilibrium and the regressive nature of his personality structure, including the regression and/or disintegration of the superego, the predominance of splitting processes in the ego, the consolidation of a pathological grandiose self, and the weakening and loss of ego boundaries.

 

Some Illustrative Cases

The following five cases illustrate sadomasochism at various levels of psychopathology, short of actual psychosis.  Listed in the order of the severity of the pathology, they should serve to put my discussion in context.

Case 1

The patient, a man in his early twenties, masturbated on the roofs of buildings and threw bricks on women walking on the street below; he reached orgasm at the moment when he either hit a victim or observed the extreme fright of a potential victim.  This patient, temporarily hospitalized at the time of his evaluation under court order, presented a sadistic perversion unmitigated by any sense of guilt or any capacity of concern for his victims or for himself.  He also evinced a combination of grandiosity, arrogance, and contempt as dominant characterological features.  He illustrates the combination of a sexual perversion and a total deterioration or absence of superego functions in the context of a narcissistic personality structure.  He was clinically not psychotic, and I formulated the diagnosis of a sadistic perversion in an antisocial personality.  Sadistic perversion can also be present as part of psychosis, a further degree of this extreme psychopathology.

Case 2

A man, in his late thirties, was in psychoanalytic treatment because of a long-standing incapacity to commit himself to any loving relationship with a woman, sexual promiscuity, and growing dissatisfaction with his sexual life.  He was white and had a black mistress, a colleague at work with whom he collaborated in creative projects.  She loved him, accepting the limitations of their relationship, which had a sporadic, discontinuous quality stemming from him.  Although he had had homosexual experiences in the past, and considered himself "potentially bisexual" as an expression of his sexual freedom and superiority, his current sexual experiences were almost exclusively heterosexual.

What he enjoyed most with his current mistress was a triangular situation:  Having persuaded her to participate in a m閚age ?trois, he would offer her as a sexual partner to a close male friend.  His sexual excitement peaked when, while she was having intercourse with his friend in the patient's presence, she would look at him with a loving expression indicating that she was submitting herself to this sexual relationship only because he had asked her to, and with him in mind as her sexual object.  Analytic exploration revealed that the meanings of this scene included his unconscious wish to humiliate her as revenge against a hated maternal figure, and the reenactment and magical reversal of his fantasy of being the "excluded third party" of the primal scene:  in his fantasy, it was now his friend (= father) who was really the excluded third party.  While this was not an exclusive, obligatory, and constant aspect of his sexual behavior, it constituted his most intense and enjoyable way of achieving sexual gratification.  This patient presented a narcissistic personality, and, in the transference, a typical "perverse" development (Kernberg, 1985) in the sense of a transformation of everything "good" received into something "bad."  He showed a consistent though unconscious effort to utilize the understanding gained from me to demonstrate his independence from me, the futility of psychoanalysis, and the superiority of sadistic enjoyment to any other type of human interaction.  At the same time, however, this patient presented good superego functions in all nonsexualized aspects of his daily life, and responded positively to psychoanalytic treatment over an extended period of time.

Case 3

This case, reported in another context in an earlier publication (1976, pp. 181?82), is of a woman with severe sexual inhibition, a lifelong incapacity to masturbate because, immediately following any sexual excitement, the face of her mother would flash up in her mind stopping her from further masturbatory activity.  Her only erotically exciting behavior was represented by cutting herself in various parts of her body; the excitement was produced by observing blood flowing from these wounds (unconsciously representing an infinite number of tiny vaginas).  She developed, in the course of her treatment, the fantasy in the transference that, if I were willing to shoot and kill her, she would feel fully gratified sexually.  My killing her would mean that she mattered to me more than anything else in my life, and it would unite us forever in a way in which no other human interaction could.  This patient, with a severe personality disorder involving schizoid, masochistic, and obsessive features, functioned on a borderline level of personality organization.  She responded very well to psychoanalytic psychotherapy over several years (with an early resolution of her self-mutilating tendency), but her sexual inhibition diminished only very slowly and gradually over the years.  This patient illustrates a masochistic sexual organization at a very primitive level, in the context of both lack of activation of ordinary pleasurable features of sexual excitement and an inordinate development of the aggressive components of it.  Here, the aggression dominant within sexual excitement was matched with a well-integrated yet extremely sadistic and self-punitive superego.

Case 4

The patient, a man in his middle forties, was impotent with his current girlfriend, a woman he loved deeply but with whom he was shy, at times even submissive, although he could be sexually free and fully potent in sadistic involvements with other women if they followed a carefully designed and ritualized protocol.  The woman with whom he could be sexually potent had to receive him at the door of the apartment on her knees, suck his penis, then guide him to the bedroom where she undressed, was tied up, and whipped with a careful limitation of the degree of pain or lesions that he inflicted on her.  When she appeared to experience only pain and no longer sexual excitement, whipping her lost its attraction for him.  He ended his sexual encounter with satisfactory genital intercourse and no potency problems.  He had this arrangement with several women over the years, and, apart from this specific scenario, he was concerned and helpful to, though not in love with, these women.  This patient presented a sadistic perversion at a neurotic level of personality organization and a personality structure with hysterical and obsessive features.  Psychoanalytic exploration revealed that his perverse ritual protected him against underlying castration anxiety, frightening competition with a powerful and dominant father, and an unconscious sense of himself as a little boy who would not be able to gratify the idealized oedipal mother.

Case 5

This is the case of a woman in her early forties with a depressive-masochistic personality structure, in a late stage of her psychoanalytic treatment, during the course of which she was able to resolve an incapacity to achieve orgasm in intercourse with her husband, after many years of marriage.  In one session, she developed the fantasy in the transference that she would come to a session, undress totally, and I would be so impressed by her breasts and her genitals that I would become a complete slave to her desire, respond by getting sexually excited and having intercourse with her, and she, in turn, would then be willing to become my slave and leave everything to follow me.

The only daughter of a dominant, prohibitive mother who was intolerant of any sexual manifestations in her daughter, and of a warm yet distant father who spent time away during extended periods of her childhood, she became immediately aware of the connections between her wish for a sexual relation with me and the rebellion against mother implied in the wish to seduce father away from her.  To make me her slave combined the wishes for my full acceptance of her genitals and her sexuality, while punishing me for having preferred other women (her mother), and offering herself in turn for slavery to expiate her guilt.  But she also experienced the enactment of the slavery fantasy as an exciting expression of aggression without having to fear its inhibiting effects on her sexual pleasure.  To the contrary, she felt that this aggression would heighten the gratification of total intimacy and fusion in the reciprocity of slave and master involvement.  Following that session, she was able to ask her husband, for the first time, in the middle of sexual intercourse, to pinch her nipples forcefully, which he did with intense sexual excitement, permitting her, in turn, to scratch his back deeply, so that he bled, and both, for the first time, reached an intense orgasm together.

In analyzing this experience, she expressed the fantasy that her husband was like a hungry, frustrated infant biting mother's breasts, and she, as mother, could gratify his needs while tolerating his aggression, that is, a powerful, understanding, and giving mother.  At the same time, she felt, she was also a sexual woman relating to her husband-infant who thus was not a threatening father, and yet taking revenge against father who had abandoned her as well as against her husband himself, who had caused her pain, by causing him in turn to bleed.  And she felt that to scratch him while embracing him tightly intensified their fusion and her sense that she could participate in his orgasm while he could participate in hers.  The case of this patient, approaching completion of her analysis, illustrates important normal facets of sexual excitement, to be specified further on.



The Spectrum of Sadomasochism

In summarizing my view of the dynamic and genetic aspects of sadomasochism as a perversion (1989), I pointed out that, in contrast to the traditional relegation of polymorphous perverse features as appropriate merely to sexual foreplay, I consider them a crucial aspect of normal sexuality.  These polymorphous perverse features emerge in many unconscious and conscious fantasies regarding sexual intercourse, and in the general erotic and emotional interactions of the sexual couple.  Organized perversions at a neurotic level of personality organization do present, in both sexes, the psychodynamics originally proposed by Freud (1905), psychodynamics centering on the fixation at a partial, component drive in defense against full genital sexuality with its oedipal implications, the threat of incest, and castration anxiety.

What is striking about sadism and masochism and, in practice, the various combinations of these complementary sexual orientations, is that sadomasochistic elements can be found not only along the entire spectrum from normality to severe psychopathology, but as an essential component of all other perverse elements of sexuality.  Thus, in voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishism, bestiality, homosexuality, transvestism, we clinically always find sadomasochistic elements, and a careful study of the entire literature points to the indissoluble connection between sadomasochism and sexuality in general.  Stoller (1985) has pointed to the universal nature of aggression as an aspect of sexual excitement, but has also stated that "when present, it is often a whisper, not a roar, and only a part, not the whole" (p. 42).

Cases of stable perversion and borderline personality organization, in contrast to perversions at a neurotic level of personality organization, typically present the dynamics described by British and French authors (Chasseguet-Smirgel, 1985a), (1986); (McDougall, 1978); (Meltzer, 1973), and they show the same condensation of oedipal and preoedipal conflicts under the dominance of preoedipal aggression characteristic of borderline personality organization itself.  This condensation includes a regressive primitivization of the oedipal conflict, characterized by extremely primitive and threatening images of both parents, threatening combined father-mother images, and regressive distortions of unconscious perceptions of the functions of the genitals and the primal scene.  It is clinically very different from the defensive regression to preoedipal stages of development found in patients with neurotic personality organization.  Patients whose polymorphous perverse features are totally inhibited not because of repression, but from lack of activation of early eroticism (that is, some extremely inhibited borderline but not hysterical patients) present the same borderline dynamics.  Their sexual inhibitions are the most severe that we encounter in clinical practice.

Sexual perversions in the narcissistic personality structure, particularly in malignant narcissism, show the psychodynamic constellations outlined by Chasseguet-Smirgel (1985a), (1985b), (1986).  The full deployment of a regressive "anal universe" described by her overlaps the syndrome of malignant narcissism plus an organized perversion.  The primitive destruction in unconscious fantasy of the contents of mother's belly as part of a general intolerance of reality, of the differentiation of sex and ages, and of the acknowledgment of the oedipal father, with a consequent severe disturbance in cognitive processes as well, are typical for the most severe of these cases of perversion in narcissistic personalities.

The cases I have described illustrate an additional aspect of my clinical experience, namely, that, while sadomasochism as an organized perversion (like all organized perversions) is probably more frequent in men (Money, 1988), I have found that sadomasochistic fantasies are probalbly more frequent in women, particularly in their masturbation fantasies.

The most prevalent psychoanalytic view about this apparent predominance of organized perversion in men links it with a greater intensity of castration anxiety in men.  This seems a reasonable hypothesis, and I would suggest the possibility that, in addition, the differences in the sexual development of men and women play a role.

It seems reasonable to assume that the psychosexual disturbances related to early oedipal and preoedipal conflicts are played out more directly in boys' genital sexual life, and more diffusely in vicissitudes of the little girl's emotional involvements, particularly with father.  Braunschweig and Fain's (1971) formulations regarding the differential early development of boys and girls, which I shall spell out later on, may be relevant to this issue.

Sadomasochism, I believe, starts out as the potential for erotic masochism梖or sexual excitement with pain梚n both sexes, and constitutes a very early capability to link aggression with the libidinal elements of sexual excitement in an essential way, thus paving the road toward the entire spectrum of sadomasochism at all levels of development and pathology.  In light of clinical experience, it seems reasonable to assume that the experience of severe pain may intensify the attachment to the representation of the inflicter of pain, and bring about both a transformation of pain experienced into very early forms of aggression, and varying degrees of erotization of that painful experience and its aggressive elements.  It is as if sexuality had, as one of its functions, the neutralization of aggression by incorporating it into the very fabric of sexual excitement.  The unconscious identification with the aggressor linked with the erotization of pain facilitates a sexualization of primitive omnipotence, a primitive condensation of love and hatred that may proceed in several directions.

The profound sexual excitement and gratification derived from the expression of sadomasochistic impulses in the context of a sexually gratifying relationship points to the fundamental need to integrate love and hatred while assuring the dominance of love.  Sexual excitement, in this regard, may be considered a basic affect that permits overcoming primitive splitting of love and hatred, and tolerating ambivalence.  Hatred, we might say, is "coopted" by love.  As the counterpart of this progressive development, under extremely pathological circumstances, the loving, affectionate aspects of sexual excitement may be recruited by the aggressive elements, leading to perversity, the malignant recruitment of love at the service of aggression, illustrated in Case 2, above.

Clinical Characteristics of Sexual Excitement and Erotic Desire

Let us now examine the characteristics of sexual excitement as we encounter them through psychoanalytic exploration.  First, sexual excitement is an affect.  It would seem trivial to state this, were it not that sexual excitement is so regularly left out of the studies of affect in the psychoanalytic, neuropsychological, developmental, and physiological literature.  It has only been in recent years that psychoanalytic studies of sexual excitement in early development have been carried out, particularly by Stoller (1979), (1985) in this country, and Braunschweig and Fain (1971), (1975) in France.  Not surprisingly, we find phenomenological descriptions of sexual excitement in literary essays, poetry, and philosophy; Bataille (1957), Singer (1973), and Scruton (1985) provide detailed descriptions of its psychological, subjective aspects.

Affect can be defined as a subjective experience of a pleasurable or painful nature, with physiological concomitants of that experience (both in characteristic psychomotor manifestations and neurovegetative phenomena), cognitive aspects of that subjective state consistently involving a relationship between self and other under the impact of that experience, and a communicative function conveyed by expressive, particularly facial, movements.  Sexual excitement fulfills all these requirements.



It is customary to differentiate sexual excitement he diffuse activation of the sexual affect rom erotic desire concrete direction of that affect toward a particular object nd from love he integration of erotic desire with the complex affects implied in a tender, loving relationship.  Insofar as erotic desire expresses a highly individualized wish for a sexual relationship with a particular object, it may indeed be differentiated from sexual excitement per se, but not because sexual excitement is objectless.  In sexual excitement, similarly to other affects, an object is present, but it is not yet the fully crystallized object of the specific unconscious wish that characterizes erotic desire; it is, rather, a primitive part-object unconsciously reflecting the fusional experiences of symbiosis and merger wishes of early separation-individuation.  In its origins, in the first few years of life, sexual excitement is diffuse, and dominantly linked to the object-related implications of the functions of erogenous zones.  In contrast, in erotic desire the affect is more elaborated and the specific nature of the object relation is cognitively more differentiated.  Erotic desire, in short, is a more mature form of sexual excitement.  This may be a minor point, but I wish to stress that, in clinical practice, similarly to what characterizes other affects, we never find sexual excitement without an implied, conscious or unconscious object relation activated in the context of that affect.

This discussion relates to Freud's (1905) description of libido as a drive, originating in the stimulation of the erogenous zones, characterized by a particular aim and an object.  In my view, libido originates in primitive affect states, including the peak affect state of elation characterizing the early infant-mother relation and characteristic of symbiotic experience and fantasy.  Affectionate, and generally pleasurable, experiences with mother under ordinary, quiescent states are also integrated into libidinal strivings.  Sexual excitement is a later and more differentiated affect; it enters as a crucial component of libido as a drive, but the origin of sexual excitement as an affect resides in the integration of multizonal erogenous excitement.  Insofar as sexual excitement as an affect involves the total field of psychic experience, it is not limited to the stimulation of any particular erogenous zones, but generalizes pleasurable sensations to the entire body.

Sexual excitement also includes the erotic experience of painful stimulation and, at an unconscious level, the activation of unconscious fusion experiences under the sign of peak negative affect states.  I believe that the affect of sexual excitement is the core element of libido, and that, while libido originates in pleasurable peak-affect experiences he affect of elation in the relation with mother (Kernberg, in press), this elation gradually takes on the characteristics of sexual excitement as a later, more complex affect state.

To highlight that we never find sexual excitement that does not have the implication of a conscious or unconscious object choice, I shall talk about erotic desire as the higher-level affect of which sexual excitement may be considered the precursor.  What are the clinical characteristics of erotic desire as uncovered by psychoanalytic exploration?

A first characteristic of erotic desire is a search for pleasure always oriented to another person, an object to be penetrated or invaded or to be penetrated or invaded by.  It is a longing for closeness, fusion, and for intermingling that has a quality both of a forceful crossing of a barrier and becoming one with the other person.  The concrete sexual fantasies refer to invasion, penetration, or appropriation, and include, at the level of conscious or unconscious fantasy, the relations between bodily protrusions and bodily openings:  penis, nipple, tongue, finger, feces on the penetrating or invasive site, and vagina, mouth, anus, on the receptive or encompassing site.  The rhythmic stimulation of these bodily zones promises erotic pleasure, but that pleasure loses its gratifying quality when it does not serve the broader function of intermingling with an object.  "Container" and "contained" are not to be confused with masculine and feminine, active and passive; we find fantasies of active incorporation and being penetrated passively together with fantasies of active penetration and being incorporated passively.  Psychological bisexuality in the sense of the identification with both self and object in the specific sexual interaction is universal for men and women.  One might say that bisexuality is first of all a function of identification with both participants of a sexual relation, or with all three in the triangulation of sexual experience.

A second characteristic of erotic desire is gratification from identification with the other sex, more precisely, with the sexual excitement and orgasm of the sexual partner, with a condensation of two complementary experiences of fusion.  The first element here is the pleasure derived from the desire of the other, the love expressed in the other's response to the sexual desire of the self, and the associated experience of fusion in ecstasy.  Together with this is the sense of becoming both sexes at the same time, of overcoming temporarily that ordinarily unbreachable barrier separating the sexes, with a sense of completion and enjoyment of the penetrating and encompassing, penetrated and enclosed aspect of sexual invasion.  In this connection, a symbolic displacement of all "penetrating" parts of the anatomy among each other, and of all "encompassing" or "penetrable" openings on the other signal the condensation of eroticism from all zones, a normal regression in sexual excitement to "zonal confusion" (Meltzer, 1973), and the consequent confluence, in each concrete sexual activity or contact, of fantasies and experiences reflecting the entire body surface of both participants.  In this identification with the other there is a gratification of the wish for fusion, of homosexual longings, and also of oedipal rivalry in that, by implication, all other relationships disappear in contrast to the unique and fused one of the sexual pair.  By the same token, unconsciously identifying with both sexes eliminates the need to envy the other sex.  In remaining oneself while becoming the other as well, there is a sense of achievement of intersubjective transcendence.

A third characteristic of erotic desire is a sense of transgression, of overcoming the prohibitions implied in all sexual encounters, a prohibition derived from the oedipal structuring of sexual life.  This sense of transgression takes many forms.  The simplest and most universal is the transgression against conventional morality, the ordinary social constraints that protect the intimacy of body surfaces as well as the intimacy of sexual excitement from public display.  Stendhal (1822) pointed out that the very act of undressing repeals social notions of shame and permits lovers to face each other in a shameless way; getting dressed after the sexual encounter is a return to conventional shamefulness.  Within the frame of conventional morality (Kernberg, 1987), there is a consistent tendency to suppress or regulate those aspects of sexual encounter most directly related to infantile polymorphous sexual aims; it is these aims, prototypically framed in the sexual perversions, that express most directly sexual excitement and erotic intimacy and the transgression of social conventions.

In a deeper sense, transgression includes transgressing oedipal prohibitions against sexual intimacy with the oedipal parent of the other sex, thus constituting a defiance of as well as a triumph over the oedipal rival.  But transgression also includes transgression against the sexual object itself experienced as seductively teasing and withholding.  Sexual excitement involves a sense that the object is both offering and withholding itself, and sexual penetration or engulfing of the object is a violation of the latter's boundaries.  In this sense, transgression involves aggression against the object, aggression that is exciting in its pleasurable gratification, reverberating with the capacity to experience pleasure in pain and the projection of that capacity onto the object.  The aggression is also pleasurable because it is being contained by a loving relationship.  And so we have the incorporation of aggression into love and the assurance of safety in the face of unavoidable ambivalence.

The ecstatic and aggressive aspect of the search for loss of boundaries of the self represents a related deep and complex aspect of erotic desire.  Bataille (1957) proposed that the most intense experiences of transcendence occur under the sign of love and under the sign of aggression.  It is one of the most dramatic aspects of human functioning that the breakdown of boundaries between self and other occurs at points of deepest regression into ecstatic love and under conditions of extreme pain.  The intimacy that develops between torturer and tortured, and its dramatic effects on the psychic experience of both participants, may well originate in the most primitive, ordinarily dissociated or repressed, awareness of fused, "all-bad" relations between self and object, which constitute the counterpart of the split-off "all-good" object in the symbiotic stage of development.

Setting aside the question of whether the symbiotic stage (Mahler and Furer, 1968) is the first stage of development of internalized object relations, or whether, as Stern (1985) proposes, it is a later and perhaps only limited or pathological development, sexual excitement and orgasm facilitate an experience of fusion with the other that provides an ultimate sense of fulfillment, of transcending the limits of the self.  They also facilitate, in one stroke, a sense of oneness with the biological aspects of personal experience.  By the same token, however, to be the object of pain induced by another, and to identify with the aggressive object as well as experiencing oneself as its victim creates a sense of union in pain that reinforces the fusion in love.  To induce pain in the other, and to identify with the erotic pleasure in pain of the other, is the counterpart of erotic masochism.  Sexual excitement, in this regard, also includes an element of surrender, of accepting a state of enslavement to the other as well as being master of the other's fate.  The last of the cases I briefly mentioned illustrates this aspect of sexual excitement.  The extent to which this aggressive fusion will be contained by love is importantly mediated by the superego, the guardian of the frame of love containing aggression.  In short, both in pleasure and in pain there is a search for a peak affect experience that, temporarily, erases the boundaries of the self, a peak affect experience that gives a fundamental meaning to life, a transcendence that links sexual engagement with religious ecstasy and the experience of freedom beyond the boundary control of daily existence.

The idealization of the body of the other or the objects that symbolically represent that body are an essential aspect of sexual excitement.  Lussier (1982) and Chasseguet-Smirgel (1985b) have pointed to the central function of idealization in, respectively, fetishism and perversion in general.  This idealization represents the denial of anal regression in perversion, and the denial of castration anxiety by idealizing a partial, safer, limited aspect of sexual behavior.  While I agree with the important function of idealization as a mechanism in pathology, I also believe (1989) that the idealization of the sexual partner's anatomy, the surface of his or her body, is a crucial aspect of the normal integration of tender and erotic strivings in both heterosexual and homosexual love relations.  This erotic idealization parallels the normal idealization processes in romantic love described by Chasseguet-Smirgel (1985a), namely, the projection of the ego ideal onto the loved object with a simultaneous increase in self-esteem.

The replication of the ego ideal in the form of the idealized love object creates a sense of harmony in the world, the actualization of one's value system and aesthetic ideals:  morality and beauty are actualized in the love relation.  Meltzer and Williams (1988) have proposed the existence of an early "esthetic conflict" linked to the infant's attitude to mother's body.  The infant's love for mother, in this view, is expressed in the idealization of the surface of her body and, by introjection of the mother's love expressed in the idealization of the infant's body, an identification with her in this self-idealization.  This idealization would give rise to the earliest sense of esthetic value, of beauty.

Following Meltzer and Williams, the split-off aggression toward mother would, in contrast, be directed mainly toward the inside of her body, and, by projection, in experiencing the inside of mother's body as dangerous.  From this viewpoint, the desire and fantasy of violent invasion of mother's body is an expression of aggression, of envy of her outside beauty as well as of her capacity to give life and love, and the idealization of mother's bodily surfaces, a defense against the dangerous aggression lurking under that surface.  The origin of the idealization of woman's body on the part of men is consistently traceable to the idealization of and excitement with the surface of mother's body, similarly to the origins of the unconscious fears linked to the vagina and the interior of women's bodies.

Chasseguet-Smirgel's (1986) contribution to the archaic aspects of the Oedipus complex (the fantasied destruction of the differentiated organs of mother's body, of father's penis, and father's babies; and the transformation of mother's inside into an infinite, limitless cavity) is an important clarification of the nature of primitive aggression and fears directed to the interior of mother's body.  Also, in men, the idealization of the body parts of homosexual partners can regularly be traced back to the idealization of mother's body.  The idealization of male body parts is originally much less prominent in women, but this capacity develops in the context of a gratifying sexual relation with a man, who unconsciously represents the oedipal father in reaffirming a woman's body's beauty and value and thus liberates her genital sexuality from its early infantile inhibition.  In both sexes, the integration of the tender and erotic elements of object relations provides more depth and complexity to the idealization of body surfaces as well.

The body of the beloved becomes a geography of personal meanings, so that the fantasied early polymorphous perverse relations to the parental objects are condensed with the admiring and invasive relation to the lover's body parts.  Erotic desire is rooted in the pleasure of unconscious enacting polymorphous perverse fantasies and activities, including the symbolic activation of the earliest object relations of the infant with mother, and of the small child with both parents.  All of this is expressed in the perverse components of sexual play and intercourse  fellatio, cunnilingus, anal penetration, and in exhibitionistic, voyeuristic, and sadistic sexual play.  Here the deep links between the early relation with mother in both sexes and the enjoyment of the interpenetration of bodily surfaces, protuberances, and cavities are central.  Mother's physical ministrations of the infant activate the erotic awareness of his or her own body surfaces, and, by projection, the erotic awareness of the body surfaces of mother.  Love received in the form of erotic stimulation of body surfaces becomes the stimulus for erotic desire as a vehicle for the expression of love and gratitude.

A woman who loves a man will become erotically aroused with intimate aspects of his anatomy, and, characteristically, if that love ends, her interest in and the idealization of that body will become extinguished.  Correspondingly, in narcissistic men who give the appearance of rapidly losing their interest in previously idealized aspects of a woman's body will be able to maintain that interest if and when, as a consequence of psychoanalytic treatment, the unconscious deterioration of internalized object relations (typically related to profound envy of women) can be resolved.  I am suggesting that, in both sexes, and despite differences related to the different history of their sexual development, idealization of body surfaces, the central aspect of erotic desire, is a function of the availability of primitive internalized object relations.  And the personal history of a love relation becomes symbolically inscribed in aspects of the beloved object's anatomy.

The lack of activation or the extinction of body-surface eroticism, when intense aggression and a parallel lack of pleasurable body-surface stimulation combine in such a way as to interfere with the development of early idealization processes as part of erotic stimulation, determine a primary sexual inhibition.  Such an inhibition is illustrated in the case of the woman whose intense transference love was connected with the wish that I kill her (Case 3).  The secondary repression of sexual excitement linked to later superego functioning and later oedipal prohibitions is much less severe and has a much better prognosis in treatment.



The wish for teasing and for being teased is another central aspect of erotic desire.  This wish cannot be completely separated from the excitement stemming from overcoming the barrier of something forbidden, and hence experienced as "sinful" or "amoral."  The sexual object is always, in a profound sense, a forbidden oedipal object, and the sexual act a symbolic repetition and overcoming of the primal scene.  But here I am stressing the object's self-withholding, teasing as a combination of promise and withholding, of seductiveness and frustration.  A naked body may be sexually stimulating, but a body partially hidden becomes much more so.  There are good reasons why complete nudity at the end of strip-tease shows is followed by a rapid exit.

Sexual teasing is typically though not exclusively linked to exhibitionistic teasing, and illustrates the intimate connection between exhibitionism and sadism.  By the same token, voyeurism is the simplest response to exhibitionistic teasing, and implies a sadistic penetration of an object that withholds itself.  As with the other perversions, it is characteristic that exhibitionistic perversion is a typical sexual deviation of men whereas exhibitionistic behavior is much more frequently interwoven with the character style of women.  Psychoanalytic interpretations of female exhibitionism as a reaction formation to penis envy need be amended to incorporate our more recent awareness of the complex step the little girl undertakes in shifting her object choice from mother to father:  exhibitionism is a plea for sexual affirmation at a distance.  Father's love and acceptance of his little girl and her vaginal genitality reconfirms her feminine identity and self-acceptance (Paulina Kernberg, personal communication).

The experience of women's sexuality as both exhibitionistic and withholding, that is, as teasing, is a most powerful stimulus to erotic desire in men.  And it is also a source of aggression, a motive for the aggressive implication of the invasion of a woman's body, a source of the voyeuristic aspects of the sexual relation that contain the wish to dominate, expose, and to encounter and overcome barriers of true and false shamefulness in the woman who is loved.  Overcoming shamefulness is not the same as humiliation; the desire to humiliate usually includes a third party, a witness to the humiliation, and implies a greater degree of aggression, which threatens the capacity for an exclusive sexual object relation, as in Case 2.

The voyeuristic impulse to observe a couple in sexual intercourset a symbolic level, to violently penetrate the primal scenes a condensation of the wish to penetrate the privacy and the secrecy of the oedipal couple and to take revenge against the teasing mother.  Voyeurism is an important component of sexual excitement in the sense that every sexual intimacy implies an element of privacy and secrecy and, as such, an identification with the parents and a potential triumph over them.  The frequent symptom of many couples who cannot have enjoyable sex in their own home, in the relative proximity of their children, and can only permit themselves a free sexual life in a secluded area elsewhere, illustrates their inhibition of this normal aspect of sexual intimacy.

Which leads us to one more aspect of erotic desire, namely, the oscillation between the search for secrecy, intimacy, exclusiveness in the relation, on the one hand, and for a radical discontinuity, for shifting away from sexual intimacy, on the other.  The conventional cliche of our society at this time is that it is women who want to maintain intimacy and continuity in love relationships beyond their sexual implication and that men dissociate themselves from intimacy following sexual gratification and orgasm.  This assumption does not take into consideration the differences in development in male and female sexuality, and confuses the early stages of male development with mature development in both sexes.  In clinical practice, we see as many husbands whose dependent longings are frustrated by their perception of their wives' affectionate dedication to their infants and small children, as we see women complaining about their husbands' failure to maintain sexual interest in them.



While it is true that there are different types of sexual discontinuity in men and women, the very fact of discontinuity in sexual involvement and repeated disengagements even within a continuous loving relationship is an important counterpart to secrecy, intimacy, and fusional aspects of erotic desire and behavior.  In fact, the loss of this discontinuity, a sexual relation that merges with ordinary life and replaces it, may well create an accumulation of aggressive elements of fusional experiences that ends up threatening the entire relationship.  The Japanese film "In the Realm of the Senses" by Nagisa Oshima illustrates the gradual deterioration into unbridled aggression of the relationship of two lovers whose sexual encounter becomes all-consuming, eliminating in the process their relation with the external world.

That erotic desire and sexual love should absorb and express all aspects of ordinary ambivalence of intimate object relations is quite obvious.  The intensity of affectionate, tender, polymorphous pervers nd particularly sadomasochistic梖eatures of the sexual relation reflect the elaboration of this ambivalence, and constitute a basic cement of love relations.  But in a more specific way, that ambivalence is illustrated by what, in earlier work (1988b), I have described as the direct and reverse triangulation of sexual relations, in essence, the unconscious and conscious fantasies accompanying erotic desire and sexual intercourse.  These fantasies typically include for each of the sexual partners (a) an excluded but threatening third party (the oedipal rival) and (b) an idealized though unavailable third party, the original object of the positive oedipal conflict.  The wish to be the unique, preferred, triumphant, exclusive love object of one's sexual partner, with actualized triumphs over the oedipal rival in each sexual encounter (direct triangulation) is the counterpart of that other desire (of reverse triangulation) in which one is involved with two sexual partners of the opposite sex, in revenge against the frustrating, teasing, denied oedipal parent.



These advanced oedipal dynamics are the counterpart to their primitive precursors, in which deep ambivalence toward mother and elimination of the primitive father bring about the threat of a fusion in aggression with destruction of the loved object, the counterpart to the idyllic world of ecstatic fusion with the idealized primitive mother.  Bataille (1957), in a different context, has described the dynamic of sexual ecstasy and religious exaltation, on the one hand, and their aggressive counterparts of sacrilege and sacrifice, on the other.

Genetic Aspects of Sexual Excitement and Erotic Desire

Throughout the discussion of all these components of sexual excitement and erotic desire I have referred to some of their genetic roots.  Braunschweig and Fain (1971), (1975) have developed an appealing theory of the characteristics of erotic desire in terms of the early development of the infant's and small child's relation to mother.  To briefly summarize their viewpoint:  the early relationship of the infant of both sexes with mother determines the child's later capacity for sexual excitement and erotic desire.  Mother's ministrations and her expression of enjoyment in the physical stimulation of the male infant's body surface, while emotionally communicating her love for him, foster the infant's erotic desire, but also the infant's identification with mother both under such stimulation and under conditions of discontinuity established by mother's leaving the infant to return as a sexual woman to father.  In relating to mother in father's presence, infants realize that mother's attitude is not quite the same as in his absence (Paulina Kernberg, personal communication).

Braunschweig and Fain attribute a crucial role to the mother's psychological turning away from the infant; they contrast mother's erotic stimulation of her male infant with the discontinuity established by her withdrawing her erotic interest from him and returning it to her husband.  It is at this moment that the infant identifies himself with the frustrating yet stimulating mother, with her erotic stimulation and with the erotic stimulation of the sexual couple, that is, father as mother's object.  This identification of the infant with the two members of the oedipal couple would provide the basic frame for a psychic bisexuality, and consolidate the triangular situation in the child's unconscious fantasy.

The male infant's acknowledgment of this frustration and of the implicit censorship of his erotic desire for mother would then shift his erotic stimulation into masturbatory fantasy and activity, including the desire to replace father and, in primitive symbolic fantasy, to become the father's penis and the object of mother's desire.

In the case of the little girl, mother's subtle and unconscious rejection of the sexual excitement which she would freely experience in relation to the little boy gradually inhibits the little girl's direct awareness of the original vaginal genitality; she would therefore gradually become less aware of her own genital impulses while being less directly frustrated by the discontinuity in the relation with mother.  The identification with mother's eroticism would take more subtle forms, derived from mother's tolerance and fostering of the little girl's identification with her in other areas.  With a tacit understanding of the "underground" nature of her own genitality, the little girl's deepening identification with mother would also strengthen her longing for father, and her identification with both members of the oedipal couple.

The little girl's change of object from mother to father determines her capability for developing an object relation in depth with the loved and admired and yet distant father, and the secret hope of eventually being accepted by him and of becoming free once more in the expression of her genital sexuality.  This development fosters the little girl's capacity to commit herself emotionally to an object relationship that determines the woman's greater capacity for such a commitment in her sexual life, from early on, than is the case with men.



The explanation resides in the early exercise of trust, in the little girl's turning from mother to father, in his love and affirmation of her femininity "from a distance," also, in her capacity to transfer her dependency needs to an object physically less available than mother, and also, by the same change of object, the escape from preoedipal conflicts and ambivalence toward mother.  Men, whose continuity of the relationship from mother to later female objects signifies potential perpetuation of both preoedipal and oedipal conflicts with mother, have greater difficulties in dealing with ambivalence toward women, and evince a slower development than women in their capacity to integrate their genital with their tender needs.  Women, in contrast, tend to develop their later capacity for a full genital relation in the context of their earlier capacity for a love relationship in depth with a man.  In short, men and women develop in opposite order their capacity for full sexual enjoyment and an object relation in depth.

Braunschweig and Fain's theory, it seems to me, provides a new psychoanalytic approach to the observations of early genital masturbation in both sexes (Galenson and Roiphe, 1977), and to the clinical observations about the erotic aspects of mothers' reactions to their infants.  The implications of their theory for our understanding of erotic desire are quite apparent:  the relation between erotic desire and the wish for fusion as an expression of the symbiotic longings for mother (Bergmann, 1971); the search for the teasing object, and the revengeful quality of the aggressive implications of sexual excitement; the polymorphous perverse quality of erotic desire as an expression of its origin in the earliest developmental stages; the different developments in male and female attitudes regarding genital and tender aspects of eroticism; the connection between sexualization of pain and the search for fusion in pain and the aggressive aspects of erotic desire; psychic bisexuality; the unconscious conflicts over an "excluded third party"; and the differential discontinuity regarding sexual relations.

 

Sadomasochism and Perversion

In the light of everything said so far, it seems reasonable to conclude that sadomasochism is an essential aspect of sexual excitement and erotic desire.  It is crucially and intimately connected with the original libidinal aspects of body-surface stimulation in the context of the affectionate relation with mother, the idealization of body surfaces and openings representing the ideal object.  Sadomasochism incorporates the aggressive impulses triggered in the context of frustration by that ideal object.

Sadism and masochism, I believe, enter into all aspects of libidinal, and its specialized sexual development; they are part of all other "partial drives," and reflect the integration of love and hatred at the basic level of sexual love.

I would now reformulate the concept of sexual excitement as a primitive affect in which objects are still partial and unrealistic, dependent largely on the unconscious fantasy activated in fusional states; erotic desire represents the organization of these primitive objects into the archaic oedipal constellation.  Sexual love represents a further integration of erotic desire with an object relation in depth that contains the ambivalence of specific past relationships with parental objects.  Sexual love also implies a mutuality in the reciprocal reinforcement of the ego ideal of the couple and the mutual neutralization of the remnants of the sexually prohibitive infantile superego.

Insofar as sexual excitement, its sadomasochistic elements, and its early object relations are indissolubly linked, it is this affect itself that may be considered a basic building block of libido as a drive.  Erotic desire is expressed by the "embodied self" (Scruton, 1985) in which the physiology of sexual arousal and the psychology of desire for another person become condensed.  Erotic desire aspires to recreate, in an intense pleasurable relation, the peak affect state that reproduces symbiosis, synthesizes love and hatred under the dominance of love, and permits the expression of sadomasochism as an unconventional, asocial, private, secret, intimate reconstitution of triumph over the oedipal couple in the primal scene.

To be willing to suffer for the sake of the loved object, and to demand that the loved object suffer in response to one's own desire is an expression of trust and an acknowledgment of the sadistic, aggressive aspect of love.  We often find patients with perversion insisting that there is an honesty in perversion not contained in ordinary sexual relations; this defensive idealization contains a grain of truth (McDougall, 1978).  The sadistic and masochistic aspects of erotic desire and of sexual relations provide the impetus for overcoming the barriers of social convention, moralistic prohibitions, disgust, and particularly shame, and thus express the couple's freedom from the restrictive nature of conventional morality.  That freedom opens the road to a full gamut of sexual pleasure but also the danger of aggression unbound as part of the sexual relationship.  The search for symbiosis in ecstatic love has deep connections with the search for symbiosis in pain:  a temptation to sacrifice and destroy.

Normal sexual excitement and erotic desire present all the elements characteristic of perversion, such as idealization, regressive analization and regressive cannibalism in the form of the fantasied destruction of the interior of mother's body.  What becomes specific of the perversions is the restriction of erotic desire because of oedipal prohibition and threat of castration in higher-level functioning patients, and its primitive counterpart, the threat of diffuse destructiveness and loss of capacity for differentiated relations with a sexual object in the more severe spectrum of psychopathology.

To conclude, I would like to point to the peculiar transference implications of the sadomasochistic aspects of sexual conflicts.  In the case of true sadomasochistic perversion, as in all perversions, the danger exists of "as-if" developments in the transference, an imitative way of learning in the treatment that reflects the illusion of the "fecal penis" as a false representation of the true oedipal world (Chasseguet-Smirgel, 1985b).  In patients with severe sadomasochistic acting out, the analyst's concern and the limits to the analyst's position of technical neutrality may become a signficant issue.  It is in the mildest or less severe cases where, paradoxically, limitations to analytic work often evolve by the enactment of sadomasochistic implications of the analytic situation itself.

Insofar as powerful erotic currents are activated in the analytic relationship, the analyst cannot but "tease" the patient with an implicit seductiveness derived from the nonrepressive nature of the psychoanalytic situation.  There is no other relation in which the free communication with the symbolic oedipal object spells out in such richness the essential nature of erotic desire and sexual excitement.  To share with the analyst the most intimate sexual fantasies, experiences, and fears may tempt to exhibitionistic acting out, but also to masochistic "shameful" submission.  Efforts to free the patient's sexual life from these defensive and inhibitory forces generates, under optimal circumstances, powerful erotic currents that need to be contained in an atmosphere of technical neutrality.

It would be trivial to state these well-known facts if, in clinical practice, we did not find so often the temptation to maintain the most intimate and secret aspects of erotic desire, typically those that contain sadomasochistic elements, at least partially hidden from analytic exploration.  To help the patient achieve sexual freedom without fostering a seductive analytic atmosphere, to help the patient become aware of our respect for him while analyzing his distortions of the meaning of our lack of sexual response to him, is an important daily task in analytic work which is highlighted with patients presenting significant conflicts in the area of sadomasochism.  Severe sexual inhibition, indifference, and boredom typically reveal deep conflicts around the sadomasochistic aspects of sexual excitement:  the enormous frequency of these symptoms in analytic practice points to the importance of the analyst's internal freedom in dealing with these basic aspects of human sexuality.

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First of it's important to eliminate your fears of failure. Lots of folks have the anxiety about failure, which is a huge difficulty. The risks aren't too high, it is not a matter of life and death if your company does not take off and also you won't lose tens of thousands of dollars. Maybe you will lose a couple of hundred dollars and a little time, but that's it. Surely you should take a chance and try it out. Maybe you will fail and maybe you won't fail.

For those who have identified the type of interesting business that you want to start, do research on the industry. You must comprehend your sector to make a small business plan. Figure out just how much start-up costs will be a marketplace how much competition there is for it and if there's.

Another obstacle to being successful with the #TAG13 small business blog that individuals face is distractions. Well meaning family members enjoy having you at home and may make the most of that.

As a seller, you should prepare yourself for your new eBay home based business. For one, you should always remain positive. Don't believe that company will instantly boom as soon as you open your online shop. At first, company might be slow but this is normal, particularly for beginners in eBay. This is because you haven't built your reputation as a seller. But once you start getting favorable feedbacks from your buyers, company will soon pick up and money will start rolling in.

You just don't have some reason to prevent the excellent social media in the present days as it's the one that compels millions of targeted leads to your home based online business. This is the most crucial trick that'll allow you to attain success. You won't spend more than 5 minutes of your valuable time in upgrading your twitter and face publication accounts with qualitative posts, links or opt-in-page.

Over the years, more and more people have been looking online to earn some extra income. In terms of making money on the Internet, the possibilities are broad and growing. You can start an Internet-based business or perhaps take surveys in your free time. Below, you’ll find great tips that will help you start on your journey.
Some online money-making opportunities are scams. Although there are many opportunities online, there are some dishonest sites as well. Do your homework and look for reviews of anything you’re thinking about trying.
Writers can write for sites like Squidoo and InfoBarrel which offer revenue sharing. You can write about your favorite split and subjects the revenue that comes in. They both allow you to use Amazon’s affiliate marketing program for even greater earning potential.
Create a daily schedule for yourself. You have to persevere to make money online. You are highly unlikely to experience a sudden windfall of cash. You will need to attack it every and each day. Make specific times to work every day. Over the long term, just an hour each day will really add up!
It can be time consuming to learn how to generate online income. One easy way to get started is to find and participate in internet communities that pertain to your areas of interest. Take advantage of them if you can find a mentor. As long as you are receptive to the idea of earning money online, you are likely to succeed.
You have to give information which will verify your identity to make money online. Most companies want you to show proof of who you are, just as you would at a physical place of employment. Create digital copies of all ID right away.
Find something simple for your relaxing time. There are tasks you can do which will make you money without much focus. Especially small tasks on websites like Mechanical Turk (mturk.com). You can work on these tasks as you watch some TV. While you may not get rich, you will be making the most of your downtime.
Making money online is a gradual process. A good starting point is to seek out others within the industry you are curious about and learn from them. Speak with people who know the industry and pick their brains. Be willing to soak up information all of the time when making money online.
There are many ways you can make money online all you need is some basic information. This article has provided you with some straightforward methods for making money. This can help you get additional income. Alternatively, make enough to support your family.

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Do you desire true wealth in your life? Do you wish to feel the peace that comes with being wealthy and not having to worry about money? Everyone might say that this goal is something that they strive for but how many of us life our lives in a manner that is conducive to achieving wealth and prosperity? Having and holding a heart felt desire to become wealthy is your first step in becoming rich. Living every day with that goal in mind is how you attain that goal.
Keeping your dream of financial security is important to your success. This should never be underestimated. There will be times when you might be tempted to live like your friends or extended family but staying on course and remembering your goal should always be in your mind. If necessary, reminding yourself that without wealth, the final years of your life might not be so pleasant. Every penny saved and earned today is a dollar that you can enjoy later. Scare yourself into following these secrets to building wealth and you will find success sooner than you think.
First, being frugal is a character trait that you might not think most wealthy people possess, but it is. Living a frugal life and spending as little money as possible is a key to creating wealth that most rich people never talk about. For them, it makes sense, though. Wealthy people are very aware of how much things cost and while they might appear extravagant in some of their spending, you will find that most wealthy individuals will cut corners and try to get the best deal on everything from a can of soup to the price of a piece of real estate.
Be aware of where you’re spending your money. Account for every dollar that you spend and make adjustments to your lifestyle to limit how much you’re spending. Make sandwiches for lunch instead of spending large sums of money every month eating out with your colleagues. By the cheaper brands in the grocery store when you’re buying food or go shopping at a thrift store for your clothes. You can find many good bargains and save a lot of money when you adopt this attitude toward spending and every dollar that you save can be invested towards your future wealth.
Avoiding debt and the interest paid on most types of debt is the next thing that you can do to curb your spending and increase your savings. Credit cards are one area that most people waste a lot of money over a year. High interest rate credit cards or revolving debt should be curtailed at all cost to reduce your yearly spending. Take a look at the amount of interest you pay in a year and imagine that money as yours. Think of that money as savings that you have been throwing away every month.
Instead of buying goods with a credit card, set up a budget and save for those items that you simply need to survive. Buying a used car for cash will often save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars. While having a credit card is always good in case of emergencies, only use it when you know that you can pay off the balance immediately. Perks and dividends that you might accumulate by using a credit card are rarely a good deal and this is why many credit card companies offer them. They know that they will make money from you in interest since most consumers might have the best intentions but they lack the discipline to pay off a credit card every month.
Expanding your earnings by working a second job or a part time job at night or on the weekends is another way that you may have thought of earning a little more money. While this is a great idea and by saving that money and investing it you can quickly achieve your goal, most people don’t think of the down side of this arrangement. Working nights and weekend will have its affect on your morale as well as your family’s morale if you are gone all the time. If you have a family, remember that they need to spend time with you.
Instead of taking a traditional part time job, look for work that you can do at home. Finding micro jobs such as freelance writing or becoming a tutor might be a profitable yet enjoyable way to make a little extra money that you can save. Think about any hobbies that you have that could be leveraged. What skills do you have that you might profit from? Think long and hard about this and you are bound to think of something that you could do to make a little extra money at night or on the weekend.
If you goal is to become rich, spend less than you earn and invest your savings wisely. There’s no reason why you can’t become wealthy. You deserve to live a good life free from the stress of living paycheck to paycheck. There’s nothing wrong with accumulating wealth and squirreling money away for later on in life. Retirement might feel like it will never come for you but you can actually meet retirement halfway if you save what you can and invest it in vehicles that will help you to grow your savings.

    Each year, Forbes crunches the net worth of every American billionaire to see who will make the exclusive Forbes 400 list. But 11 members of this club are luckier than the rest: they are in good health, have full heads of hair and many, many years to spend their fortunes.
    This year there are 11 American billionaires under the age of 40 on the list.  The youngest member of the Forbes 400 is 30-year-old Facebook cofounder Dustin Moskovitz, who has been the most junior person on the Forbes 400 since making his debut in 2010. He lost bragging rights as country’s youngest billionaire this summer when Snapchat raised money valuing the photo sharing app at $10 billion. Now Evan Spiegel, 24, holds that title but with a net worth of $1.5 billion, he just misses the cut for the Forbes 400.
    Moskovitz is just eight days younger than his former Harvard roommate, Mark Zuckerberg, who is the second-most-junior member of the list. The Facebook CEO is worth an estimated $34 billion, up from $19 billion last year, making him the year’s biggest dollar gainer. At just 30 years old, he is the 11th richest person in America – and the wealthiest under 40.
    A close third is newcomer Elizabeth Holmes, also 30 but born in February, who joins the ranking this year thanks to her blood testing company Theranos. Holmes founded the Palo Alto, Calif.-based company with money saved for college, and has reportedly raised more than $400 million, valuing the 10-year-old company at $9 billion . Two other new additions to the Forbes 400 who fall into the under 40 club are WhatsApp’s Jan Koum, who, aged 38, is worth $7.6 billion, and Uber cofounder Travis Kalanick, also 38, who joins with a $3 billion fortune thanks to his ride-sharing company.
    Unsurprisingly, Silicon Valley whiz kids dominate the billionaire nursery. Napster cofounder and former Facebook CEO Sean Parker is 34, while Twitter cofounder and Square CEO Jack Dorsey is 37. Wireless network entrepreneur and Memphis Grizzlies owner Robert Pera, 36, ranks with a $2.8 billion fortune founded on his Ubiquiti Networks while GoPro camera maker’s Nick Woodman, 39, is worth an estimated $3.9 billion. In percentage terms,Woodman is the year’s biggest gainer, with a 200% increase in his net worth since last year, to $3.9 billion. GoPro went public in June; the stock has been soaring as more people buy GoPro cameras and strap them onto bike helmets, surfboards, scuba gear and more.

    Outside of tech, there are still fortunes to be made – or inherited. Scott Duncan, worth $7 billion aged 31, is one of four billionaire siblings who are heirs to the energy-pipeline fortune built by their late father, Dan Duncan. While hedge fund managers have previously had a strong showing in the freshman class of the Forbes 400, this year only Chase Coleman, 39, makes the cut. His Tiger Global Management has about $12 billion in assets under management; Coleman’s personal fortune nears $1.9 billion.
    This year’s group of 11 youngest billionaires in America have a combined net worth of $78.5 billion, or just under 4% of the $2.29 trillion aggregate net worth of the Forbes 400 ranking.

Proper real estate maintenance is vital for one to succeed in this sector. In the modern economies, it involves proper care, interacting with clients and quick response to grievances rose. One needs to update self with laws and regulations touching on matters with real estate. These factors if properly catered for, helps in reaping much returns on investments on land related matters. Thus, property management San Diego offers is very important.
Hiring an agent who is a specialist in this filed of expertise is the first step to a successful venture. The supervisor assists to take care of all the issues concerning the property, including collection of rates and rents. As the owner, one may be very busy, taking care of other issues. In such a case, finding a supervisor is a bright idea. This specialist ensures that all is well and that clients are satisfied with the place they have rented.
When you browse the internet, you may find a lot of details that will serve you right; they have all the specifications required to successful management. Websites and blogs are some of the things hat may help you. You may even download the property management software which is readily available on the internet and can be downloaded for use.
Get a working dispatch board. This will assist you in scheduling of jobs to supervisors. This way, you can be able to interact with tenants comfortably. The board is designed in such a way that one is ale to receive calls from tenants who have issues they want to rise. Other duties can be supervised by the authorized agents thus making your work easier.
Alert your clients and tenants on maintenance tasks to be conducted on the estate anytime. Estate maintenance is vital and one needs to plan them in advance. Interact regularly with tenants in order to alert them on scheduled renovations. Be quick in responding to grievances raised by tenants in case of any hitches on rooms. Customer retaining is done this way.
Respond quickly to the emergencies. One needs to have emergency kits to help in responding to emergencies. Fire extinguishers, sledge hammers and water pipes need to be strategically placed in the buildings. Emergency cases may be of other nature. This is where, leaking roofs and walls may affect clients. Evacuate clients to other rooms and they must be safe in order to protect tenants and their items. Good relationships are maintained that way.
You can intermingle well with clients as this improves how you relate with them. It also aids in getting to know what their issues are thus you can correct them. Do not take the issues the present to you for granted. It might just be the right way to win them over.
Rely on tips in order to succeed in the maintenance of an estate. The much needed returns on investment are reaped through getting and expanding ones knowledge on proper estate maintenance. Apply proper and professional tips in order to get maximum benefits. One needs to remember that estate maintenance is not a simple task, hence proper evaluation of tips to be applied is vital.

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